Interstate 20

Interstate 20 (aka Colonel Bessinger Highway) is an interstate that officially exists in South Carolina and some other southern states may claim it. I-20 is known as the "Colonel Bessinger Highway" from the South Carolina BBQ Fast Food chain, Mawrice's Barbeque.

History

Bessinger made sure that a road would be named after him after his first attempt in naming rights. His first store opening in West Columbia on US 21 (Charleston Highway) led to a fight with his older Bessinger brother for naming rights along US 21 via US 176 between Columbia and Charleston. On occasion, they still quarrel in Orangeburg on naming rights in out of all of places. That is because the white population in recent years has fled to nearby Lake Marion through "white flight" along US 301. Colonel Bessinger decided to open up a Santee/Lake Marion store there to make sure nobody ever drives back to Orangeburg ever again except to pay for traffic violations. The Orangeburg location still stands for his quarrels and because fried chicken is sold at record numbers at that location. Bessinger simply could not lose out over 35% of his business revenue.

Funding, Widening Projects, Buffet

Since Annual Average Daily Traffic volumes on Interstate 20 never exceed 10,000 cars a day, the highway still somehow received Federal Funding of about 90% while the state of "Scare-o-lina" has to come up with the remaining 10%. Since tolls were against federal rules, when the po-dunk towns began experimenting with the idea called "speeding tickets" along US 321 somewhere between Garnett and Estill, the state decided to severely punish all motorists who break any traffic laws. A special fund was set up to build the highway only up to four lanes, two lanes each way. In the 90s, Bessinger began to see a lot of traffic generated between Interstate 26 and Interstate 77. This was because he introduced the buffet at his restaurants. He lobbied the South Carolina State Department of Transportation to widen the highway to 6 lanes, 3 lanes each way. As a result of the widening project in northern Columbia, pavement quality all across the state began to see a big decline. Recently as of September 2010, the state wants to levy a 5 cent a gallon increase to improve roads statewide. Bessinger said it was "fyne" as long as his written books, BBQ sauces and other merchandise sold at his locations were "tax free".

Route Description

Interstate 20 begins in Florence at Interstate 95 and heads westward towards Bishopville, Camden, Columbia, Lexington, Batesville-Leesburg, Aiken and North Augusta. The Bessinger Highway designation is concurrent with the entire Interstate 20 corridor. This has been certified by the Barbeque Southern League Association of BBQers since Interstate 20's inception in the middle of the 20th century sometime before the internet started.

Georgia wants in on some action...

In Georgia, South Carolinians refer to I-20 crossing Georgia either known as "State Rowt 402" (1% of the population, includes road geeks and truckers) and/or 99% calls it the Colonial Sanders Highway. Rumors have been told that it is currently in hot water with the state of Kentucky because fried chicken started there. But for sure, watermelon can be grown in Georgia, not in Kentucky. Colonial Sanders also has problems west of the Atlanta suburbs in Austell, Georgia because it has Mustard Base barbeque. So Colonel Bessinger may extend the designation towards the Alabama state line. At that point, mayonnaise based barbeque takes over the Interstate 20 designation even though it is unofficially Interstate 20 right now despite Alabama calling it I-20. In addition, Mayonnaise is a white color and not black. Bessinger clearly stated that Mayonnaise based BBQ will not become a staple along the Colonel Bessinger Highway. Bessinger likes yellow because yellow does not change over to black. Mayonnaise if mixed with other colors, could turn gray. In accordance of the United Nations and the Barbeque Southern League Association of BBQers, a war might be started in Madison, Georgia between Colonel Sanders and Colonel Bessinger over naming rights somewhere near the US 441 exit by the TA Travel Center. Not only naming rights will be considered but if Bessinger wins, Sanders must provide fried chicken at no cost at Mawrice's restaurants. Also, the shitty highway signs must be taken down and donated to the Kentucky Transportation Cabinet offices in Frankfort. If Bessinger loses, Sanders can keep the ugly font "Colonel Sanders Highway" shitty signs on I-20 in Georgia.

Alabama to Texas naming rights

Interstate 20 claims to exist but needs verification in Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana. The Barbeque Southern League Association of BBQers is reviewing an application for Brisket to be included. The naming rights for the state of Texas is currently going through applications. Louisiana made an application to include creole barbeque and creole brisket sometime in late 2009. The Barbeque Southern League Association of BBQers rejected the claim very quickly stating "...it did not have pepper flakes". Interstate 20 shields were reported in Shreveport and the locals call it "20" since the city is well known for their 20/20 eyesight. Mississippi is the only state that has no attempt of receiving a designation but somehow has Interstate 20 signs throughout the state. Alabama has I-20 signs as well but Mayonnaise BBQ is not recognized by the Barbeque Southern League Association of BBQers because it was stated that it was "... fucking nasty...". Alabama may appeal the ruling.

Major Cities

• Columbia - Sort of. Its really not that big. The interstates made it bigger than it really is.)
• Lamar [in the future] It plans to be the next largest South Carolina city. It is currently in talks with Darlington if they can ever use their water supply.

• Batesburg-Leesville [in the year 2110 roughly...]- Despite the municipal merger, they are still working out where city hall will be. Winston-Salem, North Carolina got their act right on the other hand.

Annoying South Carolinian's along Bessinger's Highway

• Tudd Rotherford of Columbia. Currently in the 74th District of the South Carolina House of Representatives. Rotherford wants to raise the Freeway speed limit from 70 to 80. Included in the bill would require first time offenders who go faster than 80mph to force the owner of the vehicle to install a Governors Belt at the owners expense. Another condition of the bill would make the right lane the legalized passing lane for any resident who have just purchased a McDonalds coffee at a reduced price. Receipt of purchase must be shown in the back of the license plate so South Carolina Highway Patrol can scan it with their bar code scanner. South Carolina residents aged 65 or older can currently stay in the left lane at no less than 40mph. No senior citizen discount purchase is necessary. To satisfy the conservative party in this bill, the speed limit can abruptly drop inside any municipal limits to 60mph. Also, the Sheriffs Department takes a larger cut in any traffic violation. The American Oglers Association of Retarded Persons (AOARP) supports this bill because it says that:

"...members aged 50 and over can have piece of mind cruising in the left lane at whatever speed they want. In addition, they can witness the spectacular crashes that occur along their journey from motorists lane jumping on the Interstate. Since we provide a 69% discount on our members driving a sport utility vehicle, we feel that they are being cautious and careful. "

The bill is still under review.

• Nikkay "Patel" Halee (Republican and/or Redneck) of Lexington. Running for the 2010 Governors Race. If she wins the election, everyone riding a bus will be forced to pay a surcharge for not owning a vehicle. However, women will be exempted. Also, barbeque will see a "pig tax" for prepared meals and by the pound. Also, all greens served on the buffet must not include butter or cannot be fried. Endorsements come from Mark Sanfurd and reportedly from hell, Strom Thurmoind. Colonel Bessinger has expressed outrage that he will form a sweet tea party to stop this from happening. Despite the piggy tax and the Colonels occasional color blindness, he will vote Republican straight ticket.
• Myke "queef" Sheheen (Ultra Conservative Democrat) of Camden. Running for the 2010 Governors Race. If he wins the election, he will promise that all dirt roads leading to nowhere like his television ads will get paved. Also if elected, a section of US Highway 521 between Camden and Charlotte will be named the "Sonia Gantt Highway" of WCNC-TV in Charlotte for a negative television ad that aired Nikkay not paying her taxes on time. Endorsements come from the county of Orangeburg.

(Left) An awesome reporter from another state reports Halee (right) did not pay her taxes on time! Bessinger may not get his piggy tax afterall!

Did You Know?

• In the SEC, US Highway 25 and Interstate 20 are blood bath highways for college football and basketball. University of Georgia, University of Kentucky and University of Tennessee fans are guilty of throwing watermelon and fried chicken drum sticks at University of South Carolina fans. USC fans say its "...all good" and ask for tougher motor vehicle laws in South Carolina. One law that awaits the Governors signature includes out of state "sports" license plates removed if USC loses a game at home.
• South Carolina is better said when it is pronounced, " Scareolina".

• If and when Aiken or Florence gets a beltway, whichever first, the Interstate loop will be called Interstate 420
• Orangeburg is very ghetto, do not go there unless you got a friend who is related to one of the 'brothas. Fortunately, I-20 does not go near it unless a I-320 spur is built from US 178

• When I-20 was getting built, Bessinger kept it far away from Camden. It is considered to be one of South Carolina's oldest and historic towns because they never changed the speed limit "speeds" since the 1800s. A lot of bribery by the police has happen by motorists departing I-20. Motorists are taking US Highway 1 heading to Cheraw. The common traffic violation from motorists are that they are driving 0.5mph over the under-posted limit through Camden
• In the early 1950s, Colonial Bessinger, Colonel Sanders and Bessinger's brother once all lived in a trailer park outside of Orangeburg called the "Beasely Sanford Trailor Park". It has been closed because of gigantic red ant colonies making the trailer park inhabitable.

• Col Bessinger before he ever BBQ'ed his first swine, lived in "Clynburn Mobile Home Estates" which was off S-38-20 in rural Orangeburg County. The "38" means that it is the 38th county in Orangeburg County in alphabetical order and "20" is the road name. A "rural legend" was once told that Road 20 was the number Bessinger told former Senator Thormind to name Interstate 20 because Bessinger would threaten to blackmail Thormind while in political office about his love affair with a black woman.
• Any kind of Palm trees really do not grow on Interstate 20. Do not believe their existence

• Interstate 20 parallels the Fall Line and runs along the South Carolina Sandhills. That means you are 100 times more likely to get pulled over in a speed trap than any other interstate in South Carolina. That is because the hills are very high which reduces the ability to use radar detectors
• South Carolina really does not have any cities until Lamar gets it water rights

Exits

• Exit 1 - SC 230. Welcome to South Carolina and remember the speed limit is 70. Driving 71 in a 70 is a felony and 4 points on your license plus a $690 fine.
• Exit 5 - US 25/I-520. First opportunity to get Mawrices Barbeque. If you have nothing else to do, drive I-520 into Georgia back to I-20 and realize that half of the urban loop is rarely ever used. Did i mention it has a low speed limit of 60mph?
• Any Exit between Aiken and Lexington - Watch out for the "Swine-o-lina Highway Patrol" along the median, on the shoulder, on top of the pine trees, under the road, above the bridges and overpasses, from aircraft and Outer Space.
• Exit 55 - Scareolina Highway 6. Second opportunity to get Mawrices Barbeque. This is the other Lexington that wishes to be Lexington, North Carolina.
• Exit 61-76? - Any exit takes you to the nearest Mawrices BBQ. However, mean black people will cut you off. You would mistaken Columbia for Atlanta
• Any Exit between Columbia and Florence - Not making a complete stop at a ramp will get you incarcerated by the South Carolina Highway Patrol. In addition to 8 points and a 30 day license suspension, the state will require you to do community service by picking up all of the Colt 45 bottles off the shoulder. Community service time is less if a bottle hits you in the head from a passing vehicle.
• Exit 141 - I-95. At that point, you might as well go back because you are hitting the vinegar based BBQ part of South Carolina. To escape the police state, follow US Highway 76 to Columbus County, North Carolina. Be aware that there will be a checkpoint before crossing the state line.