Internet toaster

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The Internet toaster was at one point a fictional device and/or term used by old ladies to downplay technology. However, thanks to widespread incompetence and stupidity, the Internet toaster is rapidly becoming mainstream.

The amazing Apple iToast, released earlier this month.


In 1999, back when the Internet was shiny and MC Hammer wasn't broke, geeks everywhere scrambled to invent useless crap, a process known as bubble inflation. The bright idea came about to allow cooks everywhere to access recipes via the Internet. Thus, the Internet toaster was born. Nobody is entirely sure why the Internet fridge wasn't created instead, seeing as it needs, you know, recipes.


At release, there were 3 recipes available for the Internet toaster.

  • Bread
  • Toast
  • Flaming Brick of Blackened Wheat

Three months later, the manufacturer went bankrupt due to rampant piracy of its unique and original recipes.


Within a year's time from the collapse of the Internet toaster manufacture, clever toaster aficionados fabricated a modchip for everyone's favorite Internet-enabled paperweight. Use of the Internet toaster skyrocketed, as people found more and more things to do instead of making toast.

  • CD Burning (Gotta love the smell of polycarbonate plastic in the morning)
  • Running Linux
  • Pop-up advertising (Leading to the invention of the Pop-up blocker)
  • Wasting electricity

Known Issues[edit]

Due to technological constraints, Internet toasters are known to have issues with overheating. Un-modded toasters typically don't have an issue, but toaster-modding enthusiasts are reporting massive amounts of burnt bytes and melted butter co-processors. Some reports are trickling in about solving this issue with liquid nitrogen, but these have not been confirmed. Besides, it ruins the taste!

There have been two toaster-related fatalities due to toaster viruses. The FDA is investigating.

The Future[edit]

Rumors have been circulating regarding an Internet Toaster 2.0, with integrated WhyFry and even more moving parts. Focus groups are calling it "The best thing since sliced bread".