|This page is or discusses a loony and/or nutty conspiracy theory of which Uncyclopedia vehemently denies knowledge and existence. The black helicopters are not ^on their way.|
Most people would have you believe that hummingbirds are a small family of birds native to North and South America that live on a diet of flower nectar obtainable via their long beaks. But then again, most people do not know the truth about hummingbirds. Because hummingbirds are actually the most elaborate hoax ever crafted by any person, organization, or government...ever.
Ask yourself this: have you ever seen a hummingbird in real life? (If you said "yes", you're either lying or under hypnosis. Snap out of it!!) No, never seen one?...Ask that guy next to you..yeah, him. Does he say no, too? How about your mom, your teachers, your boss: have they ever seen a hummingbird? No! Why? Because hummingbirds do not exist. No one has, does, or ever will see a real hummingbird, because just like Eskimos, gazebos and North Dakota, they don't exist.
I mean, seriously, who would believe in a bird the size of a thumbtack with a beak like a toothpick? Even platypussies aren't as unbelievably grotesque as that.
"But wait a minute", you say, "if hummingbirds aren't real, how come we see them all the time on TV and movies?"
There is a simple answer: androids! These so-called "hummingbirds" that are only shown to the public through a thinly-veiled camera of lies are actually bionically modified sparrows (which are real) fitted with high-tech sensors, plasma siphons, titanium-nickel armor, multi-dimensional Artificial Intelligence chips, and possibly two high-power photon cannons hidden under each wing. For most of the year, these androids are kept under close surveillance in a small greenhouse located just outside Omaha, Nebraska; which works fine because no one cares about Omaha. However, on request, they can be unplugged from their life-sustaining glass pods and sold to film and television companies in over 53 countries. But always, they are kept hidden from the general public.
|WARNING: This page portrays Canada in a bad light. Canadians may wish to politely avert their gaze.
Good, now us normal people can talk about those damn Canadians behind their back...
"That makes sense", you say, "but wait a minute: who is doing this, and why? Why would they commit such a terrible act?" Well, who else would it be: the Canadians. In 1943, a terrible drought left many Canadian apricot fields devastated. Knowing no one would believe the apricot farmers' insane story about a drought, the Canadian Board of Agriculture made up the story of a small bird that sucks flowers dead of their nutrients (yeah, that's more realistic). Oh, and how convenient: being so small, no one could see this bird! The mythical creature was dubbed "the hummingbird" after the rejection of various other names, such as jackingbird, humpingbird, and beatamanwithastickingbird, all gross failures. The story became even more believable (but still untrue!) when a robotic replica with A.I. capabilities was developed in 1949.
"Wait just a minute," you say, "They had robots with artificial intelligence in 1949?" Yes, they did. You never knew about it because for years it was kept secret by the Canadian government. How did we acquire this technology so early on and why was it sheltered from the eyes of the public? Simple answer: aliens. When the Teletubbies of Uranus arrived on planet Earth, they brought with them vast amounts of their wisdom and technology. Fearing the public would be thrown into chaos, the bloodthirsty Canadians destroyed the peaceful tree People, not sparing the sick, elderly, or young. Then the barbarians stole their technology and forced it upon other peaceful countries like America and Norway. But when the country of Narnia refused, the evil Canadians declared war on them, thus killing their king and casting the land into a thousand years of war and pestilence. This land is now known as New Jersey, and occasionally Detroit.
So What Now?
In conclusion, we can assume that the Canadians invented the hummingbird as a way to save themselves from persecution for their terrible deeds. But instead, they ended up destroying the Tree people and half of all Narnians. Nice job, Canadians, nice job.....
Kolibri is a game about Hummingbirds. It is often known as arguablly the finest hummingbird based shooter available for the 3dx. it is enjoyed by a wide arrange of nerds and hummingbird afficiandos. The game actually brainwashes these poor pawns into believing the myth of the hummingbird.