HowTo talk:Commit suicide

I think its a great article. Very informative!

Advice

Try a huge math problem thats unsolvable and tell them that :try to solve this(doesnt work for azns) and tell them to solve and in the process brain will explode. Instant gratification. But u wont know its gratifing cuz ur dead --Hindude 21:05, 4 October 2006 (UTC)

another reason why you should commit suicide, just to see if these ideas work! by i89.240.60.76 13:17, 20 October 2007 (UTC)(i)

Hi, if you ever come across my txt, if you feel this low in your life ignore this bullshit from uncyclopedia.

From VFH

• I didn't say that, I just added that the user that did had forgotten to sign.--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 13:05, 24 September 2006 (UTC)

• I should have been clearer: I meant what you said about a lot of work before it's VFH material.--Procopius 13:07, 24 September 2006 (UTC)

• ...and I'm saying that I didn't say that. I just added the "unsigned comment by..." bit. Nutty bunny.--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 13:12, 24 September 2006 (UTC)

• Sorry -- it's early, and I'm a doofus. :)--Procopius 13:13, 24 September 2006 (UTC)

• I hadn't seen the previous votation before nominating. I made the initial HowTo:Kill Yourself article before the merging, so I think that counts for an SN. --CoyoteJoe 00:36, 26 September 2006 (UTC)

Methods

Actual discussion about the article, amazing.

• Personally, I'd like to get rid of the Human Volcano method. It just doesn't seem all that funny to me. But I thought I'd bring it up with the people who are actually editing the page. It's long and takes too much explanation. On a similar note, I've already deleted the Radiation method just because it was plain unfunny. Second, while the Great White Shark method is only marginally funny, it's way too long and someone should try to pep it up. Hopefully that one can be salvaged. --Quasispace 23:28, 30 September 2006 (UTC)
• I think both of those are pretty good, but I'd like to see something about using a wiffle bat to bludgeon yourself like Cartman tried. It's pretty drawn out and retarded, aka, emo! Or freezing yourself in a grocery store, personal freezer, etc. emo popcicle.--69.138.146.238 20:10, 5 December 2006 (UTC) 5 Dec 2006
• Well, I tried to contribute a few things to this. Could probably use a little bit of rewording and stuff, but I tried. I'd like to see death by uncyclopedia, if anyone wants to try that. --BaCaRuDa 21:21, 13 December 2006 (UTC)
• Eat yourself to death. Takes a while, but very effective.

no leave the human volcano one in. That's one I'd actually want to watch. If i were suicidal and not afraid of pain, thats the way I'd go.

I kind of changed it to "Coke and Mentos". It's a lot tastier than the human volcano, but it does the same thing, essentially. --MaxPayne 13:18, 15 April 2009 (UTC)

• i can personally attest that touching a 220v wire will not kill you. I have been in an accident that involved exposure for over 30s

An additional suggestion, include things to achieve before you die, borrow large sums of money, steal car, enact any part of GTA in real life, involuntary assisted suicide of a politician, etc.

Volcano one

maybe the baking soda/vinegar should be replaced by coke/mentos...

You are disgusting

This article makes fun of people who seriously need help. There's a difference between being funny and being completely heartless and disgusting. Shame on all of you.

• Sir or Maam, If we wanted to be kind and help others, we wouldn't come to Uncylcopedia. -- Quasispace 05:43, 30 December 2006 (UTC)
• Heh, we should cut and paste that anonymous rant somewhere in the article --CoyoteJoe 00:44, 4 January 2007 (UTC)
• Shame on me? They should make an award for that. The Shame on You Award. We all deserve it.--Undergroundbob 18:30, 4 January 2007 (UTC)$Shame+Internet=Uncyclopedia$
• I think there should be a template for the above complaint. Something like, "This article makes fun of real people who have real problems. Sucks to be them!!" We could put it on the articles like terminal disease and suicide. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:10, 13 May 2007 (UTC)
• I hope you don't mind if I steal that idea--Killer 3.14 21:29, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

From Pee Review

• I felt Uncyclopedia needed a HowTo: Article about Suicide. --NXWave 20:25, 2 September 2006 (UTC)
  • You could probably pare down the "reasons to commide suicide" a bit. Short, strong lists are better than longer, less focused ones. Also, it needs pics. Preferably ones in diagram form; as it's a "how to".--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 03:43, 3 September 2006 (UTC)
    • diagrams like this:
    • or this:

• • I should probably point out that there is already a HowTo:Kill Yourself.--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:21, 3 September 2006 (UTC)

• • Here's one from the suicide article. I love this picture.
    

    The tragic loss of wetland habitat has driven many woodpeckers to suicide.
    -- 03:43, 4 September 2006 (UTC)

Maybe you should merge it with the HowTo:Kill Yourself, the ideas would work there and we wouldn't have to reconsile it later. -- Sir Severian (Sprich mit mir!) 16:42, 5 September 2006 (UTC)

• Okay, I have added the pictures that were posted here and added a merge template on both HowTo:Commit Suicide and HowTo:Kill Yourself --NXWave 01:23, 6 September 2006 (UTC)

  No problem. Glad to help.--Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 01:32, 6 September 2006 (UTC)

• It may be a cliche in the old cartoons, but I like the suicide where the person drinks a bunch of chemicals, shakes well and asplodes. --RichDude530 08:27, 10 September 2006 (UTC)

Idea for a method

Method 2: Vehicular Assistance

You will need:

• A car
• A friend, preferably suicidal or zoophilic
• Instant tranquilizer

1. Get in the passenger side of the car.
2. Ask your friend to drive you to The San Diego Zoo. Or Petsmart. Whichever is further.
3. Buckle up! You wouldn't want to get fined while trying to commit suicide, would you?
4. While on the freeway, tranquilize your friend. Do not attempt to commandeer the wheel.

Do not use this method if your car is expensive and you wish to sell it for the benefit of your family. Use a less costly method.

That's what i came up with.McDooky's 23:22, 13 May 2007 (UTC)

Sumo

i have an idea.

Needed:

• Tickets to a sumo match

Instructions: 1. go to a sumo match. 2. jump in the ring.

What should happen: the sumos should hit you so hard, you die of blood loss

i'll think of things to add mabye 76.242.82.76 19:47, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

That sounds dangerous. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 02:43, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

Offensiveness

(Seriously here, because death is a serious matter IRL): This article is offensive and it shouldn't be. Articles that are designed to offend people provoke them. Provocation translates to lulz, which is more appropriate for Encyclopedia Dramatica. The article needs to be fixed (and some of its content moved to the aforementioned wiki) before someone dies. (Back to humor in 3, 2, 1, over 9000) An-elite 02:08, December 9, 2009 (UTC)

I disagree. This is a functional definition of an article that should set out from the start to be offensive. It's essential to the humour. And if anyone is seeking advice on mental health issues on Uncyclopedia, you walked into the wrong salon (see a doctor, for the love of dog). Not to make light of mental health issues, but this article isn't alt.suicide.holiday or any emo guff, it's just black comedy done as far as we can go. Because we have tiny dicks. Myocardialinfarction 03:06, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

oh! sorry tiny dicks..is the best arguement one person could come up with....That's functional...wow see a doctor...wow..impressive...black comedy..here's the key word "comedy" please let me know when then is funny and not some moron masturbating to his chance to post his LONELY rhetoric —The preceding unsigned comment was added by 67.187.110.221 (talk • contribs)

Its dark satire. That means it is funny in a scary way. Some people, YOU perhaps included, do not find scary things funny. No, its not a featured article, and its subject is going to be controversial, just like the one on Euthanasia and Abortion, so therefore just because it is controversial doesn't mean someone cannot make fun of it. Not everything is funny to everybody. Let me know when you actually come up with a user name and write an article all by your LONELY self. IP rants are pitiful. -- Simsilikesims(♀GUN) Talk here. 22:51, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

D a do do: if you find this offensive why the fuck are you reading it?,heres a fucking news flash for you get a sodding life and stop ranting on others just because your a freaken christain, if you liek life so much beat it me i find this masterpeace funny to hell what the duckies and bunnies say go and fuck a nun and be done with it yours turly D a do do......—The preceding unsigned comment was added by 149.254.51.51 (talk • contribs)

I actually feel less suicidal from reading this! This is good humor (ok, maybe not Christian good, but some sort of good), and, possibly in this case, may have saved a life. 38.73.129.94 03:34, September 10, 2011 (UTC)

ACM:this helped me smile a little and forget doing such, thanks

To Edit or not to Edit...WHICH IS IT?

Look people (and I use the term VERY liberally), if you are going to lock the article so it can't be edited, you need to remove the little yellow blurb at the top of the page that asks people to edit the article. Hello, McFly!!!! Furthermore, you are missing the best way to commit suicide.

• Listen to the liberals in the United States Government, which will turn you into an offensive raging lunatic who can't accept another point of view, and possibly get you shot by one of those gun toting conservatives. And as an added bonus, these officials discourage individual suicide while enacting legislation that will bring about the suicide of the entire society. It's totally awesome!!! Don't just kill yourself, join us and we'll kill us all!

Welcome. Could you add an interwiki stuff: pl:Poradnik:Jak popełnić samobójstwo? Thanks 37.31.222.152 10:12, February 3, 2013 (UTC)

The article is locked for IP edits and brand new accounts. Link added as requested. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 11:17, February 3, 2013 (UTC)

great article. i will try method #1 and use a cape. thanks guys!

Comment from IP editor

This isn't the place to look for people authentically looking to end their life.—The preceding unsigned comment was added by 24.20.57.145 (talk • contribs)