HowTo:Create Fake Airplane Stats

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series.
See more HowTos

So, you want to be famous just like all those pilots you see, right? Well first, you must read this probably short How-To guide on airplane design.


The specifications will be important. Don't be ridiculous and screw up on them, or I will hunt you down...

(Plane Name)[edit]

Create a name for your plane, such as: the La-1, the Yak-1000, the Yak-500, etc. the real deal-$$

General characteristics[edit]

These are the basic stats which every plane must have.


First, decide how many crew members you want on your plane. If you are designing a fighter, I would suggest using one or two people. If you are creating a bomber, the you could possibly use up to 10 people as the crew in the plane. Anything above ten is pushing it.


This is how long your plane will be. From its front to its tail. Again, remember the Fighter/Bomber rule. Fighters should normally be anywhere from 30 to 50 feet long, while bombers can be from 70 to 200 feet long. Please don't try to make excessively long planes, or they will be shot down.


This is the length of the wings, from tip to tip. If your plane's wings are slanted, use this kind of stats:

Wingspan: ___ ft straight, ___ ft at ___ degree angle

Realize that bombers can also have slanted wings. Generically, a fighter will have a wingspan of 50 to 70 feet, while a bomber will have a wingspan of anywhere from 100 to 200 feet.


How tall the plane is. Generic fighters can be between 7 to 30 feet tall, while bombers can be between 30 to 50 feet tall.

Loaded weight:[edit]

The weight of the plane including bombs and guns. Unless your plane is super light, don't make it less then 100lbs. Ordinary weight for a fighter is between 10,000 to 20,000 lbs, while bombers weigh between 50,000 to 100,000 lbs.


Now this is where it gets interesting. Both Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia have a variety of propeller, jet, and special engines you can use in your plane. Note: A fighter will have one or two engines, while a bomber will have two to eight engines.

But anyway, back to engine choices. To start with, Wikipedia, although evil, has a bunch of engines ready to be stolen used. Engines include the DB 610, the Pratt & Whitney R-2800 Double Wasp, the Wright R-3350 Duplex Cyclone, and a variety of other engines. Go to Wikipedia and look up Airplane Engines to find what you're looking for.

Uncyclopedia, the place you're at now, has a variety of super-powerful engines, including the Pratt & Whitney R-4200 Triple Wasp, Pratt & Whitney R-5600 Quadruple Wasp, L-Tech Black Hole Generator, and the TYATU Communism Curry Powder 24 DVD String engine. Uncyclopedia's engines are much more powerful and reliable, but they weigh more.


Another important section. Here you tell the world what your aircraft can do.

Maximum speed:[edit]

This area is important. The faster your plane, the better it will be. If you are using a propeller, try a speed of no more then 500 mph. If you are using a jet engine, then the speed should be anywhere from 600 to over 1,000 mph.

Cruise speed:[edit]

To get your cruise speed, multiply your maximum speed by 0.9, and see the answer. If the answer has a decimal, round it to the nearest full mph. If it's a fraction, then you screwed up.


If your plane has a super-powerful engine, then you will have less range. Lighter engines, although not as powerful, will allow you to go much farther.


If you like killing stuff, perk up right now.


Guns are important to your plane. If you've run out of missiles, then you use guns. Some of the best guns include the 20mm cannon, the Browning .50 cal., the Vulcan Cannon, the Laser, the Phaser, the Disruptor, and the EMP.


Bombs and Missiles are also important weapons. Nuclear bombs are the best, but weigh a lot. Generically, use 1,000 lb bombs to start with, then add whatever missiles you want.


Just add a couple notes down here.


And that's it. You just created an airplane. Be sure to post its stats in the Hangar.