Holocaust exaggeration
Holocaust Exaggeration is the act of claiming or believing that many more Jews were killed during World War II than is generally accepted by historians, scholars and other assorted philistines.
Key elements of this claim include: believing that the Nazi Party were the most efficient mass murderers in the history of mankind, and would have made a much better job of it than history teaches us; that there were at least 60 million Jews murdered; and that Auschwitz was just the tip of the iceberg.
Some Holocaust Exaggerators claim that the low numbers mentioned in the history books come from a Zionist conspiracy to prevent the Jewish race looking like a bunch of pussies.
Who are they?[edit]
Holocaust Exaggerators are made up of two key movements: hard-core racists like the Ku Klux Klan (often confused with the Wu-Tang Clan, much to the chargrin of both parties) who believe that denying the Holocaust is weak minded and feeble, and woolly liberals who simply can't get enough of a bad thing. The two parties have formed a surprisingly easy alliance on this issue. There are regular Holocaust Exaggeration festivals in which they meet and see who can make the Holocaust sound much worse than it actually was. The winner gets to bum a sacred David Irving blow-up doll.
Where did they come from?[edit]
The original Holocaust Exaggerators were the Nazis themselves. Determined that their Final Solution not be deemed unsuccessful by future historians, many claimed during the Nuremberg Trials that they had personally killed 3 million each, and ordered the death of many more. Some even claimed that they had successfully killed every single Jew on the face of the planet, and wept with laughter when suppossed "Jews" attempted to give testimony against them.
In 1962, one David Hoggan wrote an essay claiming that historical records had been destroyed and that the Holocaust was clearly much worse than we had originally thought. He quickly became a star of the Holocaust exageration movement, despite the fact that he had got his profesorship by filling in a form on the back of a cornflakes packet. He later admitted that he only made his original claim as "some sort of sick joke", but by then it was far too late - the movement had begun.
Liberals soon began to feel left out. Not wanting to be "last in the sack race" (whatever the fuck that means...), several of them piped up. "Like, Hitler was the worst human ever dude", they lisped "Surely he can't have stopped there?" No one was listening, but being liberals they just didn't care. They searched the net and found websites that supported their position.
Evidence[edit]
Holocaust Exaggerators point to the Nazi destruction of records as the main evidence for their claims. They claim that the Nazis would not have destroyed records if the true number was limited to 6 million ("a splash in the ocean").
Holocaust Exaggerators also point out that Jews run the world, and therefore have a vested interest in making sure that none of us fuck with them again. If they were all dead, as is claimed, how could they make us watch their films/vote for their candidate/buy their diamonds?
Criticism[edit]
Holocaust Exaggeration is often viewed as complete bollocks. The prevailing view of scholars is that it doesn't even exist. They state that no-one has ever exaggerated the holocaust. The ultimate authority on such issues, Wikipedia, would certainly not allow such an article to last more than 24 hours.
There are two views on how to handle holocaust exaggerators. The first is to claim that they don't exist (they don't). The second is to invite them to argue with holocaust deniers, thus leaving the rest of us to just get on and make sure it doesn't happen again.
Laws against Holocaust Exaggeration[edit]
Whilst many countries have yet to recognise Holocaust Exaggeration as a crime, some have been quick to quash this potential menace. The United Kingdom, for example, allows a fine of up to £3 billion ($4.63) for those found exaggerating the Holocaust outside the prescence of Nick Griffin. In Israel, those who claim that the holocaust was even 1 number above or below 6 million are tortured by Natalie Portman and then have their innards sent to Mel Gibson.