Forum:Fuck This: My Final Notes

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Note: This topic has been unedited for 5454 days. It is considered archived - the discussion is over.

Well, here it is in a nutshell. I'm done with Pepsi, for good. Many of you barely know me, and therefore, this letter will have little to no effect on you. But it's been over three years since the first time I ever drank Pepsi, and I've seen the many good and bad sides of the soft drink in those 36 months. And, well, here's your little anecdote for the day:

The first time I had heard of Pepsi, I thought "There's no way it's better than Coke". I thought it was just some cheap imitation, and nobody really cared either way. Then, after a few weeks of drinking it, I was hooked. And my views changed. I found out that it was, in fact, one of the greatest sodas that has ever been and ever will be. But that was back when I only saw the surface of it, when I never actually knew any of the people behind it. Then, months later, I began working for PepsiCo. This account was the first active part I've taken in Pepsi Cola. And, of course, this was my first time in the forums. I learned all about the people who make the soda tick, give it life, and make it what it is. And, with this new knowledge, I reverted back to my original beliefs: Pepsi cola is not better than Coke. The Pepsi community is getting more screwed over by the day, and nobody seems to be doing anything to fix it.

With that note, I'd like to take some time to go over the issues I've found. First off, I'm going to bring up the Admin subject. I realize this has been done time and time again, but it is still a major issue. The admins have too much power. They can do whatever they want, and, hell, they don't even have to consult anyone first. What we need is a working counsel. Admins need to consult with other people before they make major decisions, such as the figurative "Ban-Hammer". I realize, to you, banning someone is just as simple as pressing a button and forgetting about it. And if you ban someone who just made an account a day ago and is tampering with every bottle of Pepsi they see, then I completely agree with your decision. But banning someone who has been a longtime member of the company is not something to be toyed around with. To the person who is banned, you're taking away something they hold dear, a "part" of them, if you will. This is why such matters need to be discussed before action is taken, so that a solution that everyone agrees with can come into being.

• cough*WE NEED A CONCRETE SET OF RULES*cough*

Second off is the subject of dealing with troublemakers. And not in the "You're banned" way. In the "Warning" way. I see it all the time in the forums. If someone is doing something wrong, like drinking Coke while delivering Pepsi or making bad marketing decisions, you leave them a message on their talk page. You don't chew them out in front of the entire community. That's called "public humiliation", and it never solves anything. If you're telling someone they screwed up in front of an entire group of people, think about how they will feel. Reading your comment, they won't be thinking, "Oh, I guess I'd better fix this problem, then", they'll be thinking, "That asshole! Everyone's going to think I'm a loser now!". That doesn't solve any problem, does it?

Third off is going to be a controversial subject, and I'll probably get a load of crap from the shit-cannon about it. Insults. I see it so much. Someone makes a mistake, and you automatically file it under "Being a dick", and you insult them. "Noob", "Idiot", "Dumbass", take your pick. And before this goes any further, just let me get across: I am not excusing myself from being guilty of any and all of this behavior. I simply wanted to alert you all to this issue, so that you could do with it what you will. But regardless of who you insult: a longtime member, a new guy just starting out and learning the ropes, or an IP trying to create a new brand of Pepsi, they are all real people. Somewhere out there, somebody is getting hurt from your insults. I hear all the time, "IP's are not real people". They ARE real people. And they have REAL feelings. That you HURT. So, it's your choice what to do now. You can ease up on the constant insults, or you can just be another shit-slinging monkey. Your choice.

Finally, there are a couple of people I'd like to thank. Three people who made my time here enjoyable. First, I'd like to thank John F. Kennedy. Many of you regular forum-users may remember him as "JFK". I know, he was an ass then. But he was just a new guy, learning what the company (and later what being the President of the United States) was all about. And, hell, I admit, I was one of the most awful people to him. But then I actually took some time to get to know him, and you know what? He's a pretty cool guy. All he wants is to make some friends on here, just like we all do. Kudos to him. Second, I'd like to thank Indra Nooyi. She is, in all honesty, the coolest Chairman and CEO we've ever had, and the only one I don't have a problem with. She always had a way of making everything cool and fun. And if she had a problem with something you were doing, she would come and talk to you privately. And it wouldn't be like she was yelling at you, either. It was like she was just sitting there comfortably with you, just telling you how to be a better contributer to the company, with a smile on her face. Kudos to her. Finally, I'd like to thank John C. Compton. Pretty much the only established member here who actually took the time to be a nice and friendly guy. He'll be your friend no matter how stupid and annoying you are. Kudos to him.

Well, that's it. My resignation letter. My final goodbyes. Feel free to write whatever crap about me you want to in this forum. I'm not coming back, so I won't be reading it anyway.

As a last note, I just want to say, Crystal Pepsi was the best idea I ever had, hands down. Please, please take care of it. Don't let it end up like New Coke.

Signed,

-- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 02:03, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

I'd like to be the first to say, I'm rather surprised. I'd like to do this because I'm rarely the first to comment on any forum, so now I will no longer feel left out. - 02:28, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

You used to be all about the comedy, man, but then life made you hard and brittle. On-topic: As an admin (who, honestly, got the job via backstabbing and chicanery) I try to be polite. I fail, but I try. Being an ego-centric dick doesn't help anybody. I mean, I'm still an ego-centric dick, but I try to hide it. I fail, but I try. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:16, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Take care, man. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:44, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Well you know, shit is tight sometimes and you gotta really give it all. And sometimes the best things in life will knock you down. But you just gotta get your shit back up. Anyways to sum up what I just said, it's unfortunate for you to leave. However I grant good wishings to your future life and things and stuff like that, and so on. -

Kingkitty ~Fuck you Brett~ ~Die in a fire Favre~

Going off of KingKitty

We'll be singing

When we're winning

We'll be singing

I get knocked down

But I get up again

You're never going to keep me down

Pissing the night away

Pissing the night away

He drinks a whisky drink

He drinks a vodka drink

He drinks a lager drink

He drinks a cider drink

He sings the songs that remind him

Of the good times

He sings the songs that remind him

Of the better times:

'Oh Danny Boy

Danny Boy

Danny Boy...'

I get knocked down

But I get up again

You're never going to keep me down

Pissing the night away

Pissing the night away

He drinks a whisky drink

He drinks a vodka drink

He drinks a lager drink

He drinks a cider drink

He sings the songs that remind him

Of the good times

He sings the songs that remind him

Of the better times:

'Don't cry for me

Next door neighbour...'

I get knocked down

But I get up again

You're never going to keep me down

We'll be singing

When we're winning

We'll be singing

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! 05:03, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Drama Time ?

Well I do hope you change your mind Roman Dog Bird though I have no complaints about the Admins. In fact , without them holding the frontier against the horde of idiot Vandals , smelly Goths and Effing Franks ready to wreak damage , this site would soon be a wreck. The other way to run a comedy site is to pop out of here and look at the atrocious Encyclopedia Dramatica website. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 11:56, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

test okokoookokokokk--82.132.139.87 13:43, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Actually, not OK. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:52, 28 November 2009

Re: Your resignation letter.

Dear Mr. Dog Bird

As head of human resources here let me be the first to express my dismay at discovering you feel this way. We like to foster a friendly and productive environment for all our employees, no matter how challenged. Also let me thank you for your insightful criticism. Rest assured it will be considered at the highest level of management and whatever action deemed neccessary will be carried out swiftly. There is one small thing I am obligated to mention before you go. This is the Shasta building. Security will escort you out.

Regards.

OptyC Sucks! CUN14:43, 28 Nov

Human Recources and Hamster Acquisition

The inevitable has happened

And people have mistaken your letter to also mean you are leaving Uncyclopedia. You're not, right? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:55, 28 November 2009

I have no idea. I read the whole thing and still have no idea what he said. I did know we had a Hamster Acquisition department, but whoever decided to merge it with Human Resources is probably behind most of this... MrN  Fork you! 18:18, Nov 28

I blame RDB for any confusion since he didn't retain the Pepsi metaphor all the way through. Pepsi metaphors don't just work like that man. They are a very fickle and intricate metaphor. They require care and nurturing. And if you can't realize that, you may as well be fired now anyways. Goodbye Johnson, I liked you quite a bit, but I'll be damned if you knew a single fucking thing about metaphors. -RAHB 23:57, November 28, 2009 (UTC)

Quitting a wiki

It's better than attempting to improve things. --Hotadmin4u69 ^[TALK] 02:58 Nov 29 2009

It's what Sarah Palin would do. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 03:07, November 29, 2009 (UTC)

She'd slide right on out of here in a torrent of amniotic fluid. Children named Prip and Burrow and Terragon would be shooting out in every direction. pillow talk 19:45, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Do you need to mention pregnancy in every forum post? --Mn-z 19:52, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Wait wait wait, who the hell got sarah pallin pregnant? --I am Justice! aka: Halsoft. 22:03, December 8, 2009 (UTC)

Wake up people! Coke and Pepsi are the same thing!

I'm insane, so I should know. Coke and Pepsi are the same thing. Both are cola sodas. The public has been duped! New Coke was just Pepsi with a new name. After that Coke and Pepsi were the same thing. --Lt. Sir Orion Blastar (talk) 19:30, November 29, 2009 (UTC)

I just wish they would put better cola in the pre-mix drinks. Bourbon is no where near as good with cheap cola added. I've had to console myself by drinking straight rum. Pup

That is straight, isn't it? Pup

You guys are great

I was bored and decided to copy and paste this topic and replace most references to Uncyclopedia with references to Pepsi, as I was drinking a can of it at the time. Yeah, I'm not the most creative guy out there. I was hoping some of you would remember that topic, but I guess this "Flumpa" cat wasn't a very memorable user. My current signature is a hilarious reference to a forum from far back as well. From before I even joined, I think. This place used to be so funny. -- Roman Dog Bird!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D 05:47, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

Hah! I remember that guy now. I think my exact thoughts on him at the time were something like "I'm totally never going to remember this guy in the future." -RAHB 06:03, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

Didn't you wonder why June 4 is "Flumpa Day"? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 06:18, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

I remember that guy. He voted against a picture I had on VFP a year or so ago. Not that I would remember anything as trivial as that... • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 06:28, Dec 1 2009

TLB: Coolest admin on the site 17 months and counting. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 01:05, Dec 2

It must be pointed out that the bar is set awfully low. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 01:15, December 2, 2009 (UTC)

But I thought admins were cool and sexy! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 02:54, Dec 2 2009

They were once young, slender and sexy, but years of drinking highly caffinated beverages with large levels of sugar and high fructose corn syrup has caused them to be grossly overweight, jittering nervous wrecks. But still very sexy highly overweight, jittering nervous wrecks. Pup

They look like the librarian from Blade. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 06:02, December 2, 2009 (UTC)

Know-it-All Noob

Yes, I'm new here, and in some ways I've already made an ass of myself. But I think most of it has been trying to help. While I don't know the background for the thanks Roman Dog Bird gave, I agree with everything else in the statement very strongly. It's actually the sort of thing I've been saying since I first started here a mere three months ago, only he said it better. I can't help wondering if the sort of problems he mentioned are a big part of the reason participation here has been dropping. And also while I am new here, I have been editing wikis for 10 years (anyone remember when Douglas Adams was in charge of H2G2?), so I do have some idea of what works. I hope Roman Dog Bird changes his mind and decides to stay; the ideas for improvement he gave are exactly the sort of thing I'd like to see more of here. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 07:33, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

You might want to read again the whole forum and the explanation of it. ~ 08:57, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

Specifically -

“I was bored and decided to copy and paste this topic and replace most references to Uncyclopedia with references to Pepsi, as I was drinking a can of it at the time. Yeah, I'm not the most creative guy out there. I was hoping some of you would remember that topic, but I guess this "Flumpa" cat wasn't a very memorable user. My current signature is a hilarious reference to a forum from far back as well. From before I even joined, I think. This place used to be so funny. ”

~ RDB

~ 09:00, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

But at least your tradition of making an ass of yourself is intact, eh Why? -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:58, 11 Dec

I agree with the statement no matter who made it. And I have no intention of giving up my tradition of making a dumb ass of myself. My long-time friends and scripture both expect it of me. The King James version of 1.2 Peter 2:16 says "But was rebuked for his iniquity: the dumb ass speaking with man's voice forbad the madness of the prophet."  Father WHY??? (confessions)  01:52, December 12, 2009 (UTC)

Fuck This: My First Notes

We all miss you Roman Dog Bird! Now, if you are REALLY leaving, I'm fucking off.

P.S. My collection of Sailor Moon episodes are available on RDB's grave. |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill | 09:04, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

Apparently we need to make sure that everyone realize that this was a JOKE FORUM

HERE IS A QUOTE BY RDB:

“I was bored and decided to copy and paste this topic and replace most references to Uncyclopedia with references to Pepsi, as I was drinking a can of it at the time. Yeah, I'm not the most creative guy out there. I was hoping some of you would remember that topic, but I guess this "Flumpa" cat wasn't a very memorable user. My current signature is a hilarious reference to a forum from far back as well. From before I even joined, I think. This place used to be so funny.”

~ RDB

CAN EVERYONE READ THIS NOW OR DOES IT NEED TO BE BIGGER? ~ 11:09, December 11, 2009 (UTC)

I need about two more big tags. --Mn-z 21:58, December 13, 2009 (UTC)

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU FREAKS TALKING ABOUT

Score: 0.5 talking freaks

For

• For. --The Acceptable  Cainad  (Fnord) 19:22, December 13, 2009 (UTC)

  Hey, hi Grandpa! I haven't met you yet. I'm your daughter Miley's son. WHY???^{PuppyOnTheRadio} 02:47, December 14, 2009 (UTC)

• For. --123.2.98.12 01:41, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

Against

• Donkey Penis Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 03:52, December 15, 2009 (UTC)

When you were young and your heart was an open book

You used to say live and let live

but when this ever changing world which we live in

makes you give in and cry

Give pepsi a try! Pup

Puppy you have ruined Wings for me forever. I hope you're happy, you sick mongrel. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 21:53, Dec 16 2009

Ruined Wings? Didn't Paul McCartney (and the rest of the group) do that already? There's a reason that the jailer man and sailor Sam were searching everyone. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 23:49, December 16, 2009 (UTC)

Hey now don't anyone be putting down Wings. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Thursday, 05:33, Dec 17 2009