FAMAS
The gun, the myth, the legend. IT'S FRENCH! Yes, the country that uses the motto "Mutiny, surrender, blame someone else" built this awesome murder machine called FAMAS. If you actually care about learning more about this rifle, then you have come to the right place to be missinformed on the mis-facts of it's unstatistics.
Origins[edit]
The FAMAS design was originally conceived by a French human. It was originally a primitive design of a toilet brush (uncreative creatures, see M16) It soon realizes that it had a bright future for him and them. They were peace loving shepherds at the time. So they went on with it and built the first production rifles from scratch. They used metal, rock, and sheep. Remarkably, their automatic rifle monopolized the market for french-built weaponry (what else did the French make?). I r t3h l33t pwn3r in Soldier Front wit diZ l33t rifl3. Evn th0 1t su}{ when ur @ lng rnge. <33 -Fail. Yummy!!!
The Rifle[edit]
The gun received the name FAMAS <FRIGGIN' AWESOME MILITARY ARMAMENT SPECIAL (wut?)>, since it's production, it has been adopted by the clowns military and have been friends ever since. The army likes to call the gun "clairon" ("bugle" in French). This is because of the farting noise it makes when firing at full auto! VVBBBBBUUUUVVV!!! The gun uses Jelly-beans as ammo, due to it's low cost, light weight, and delicious tastes. It is mentioned by the officers that they would often add shroom flavoured ones in for fun. The Famas can fire at a rate of any number times beans a minute. But because of this high rate, the FPS is uber low, causing the beans to fall out almost as soon as coming out of the barrel. This is said to make it easier to consume the beans if necessary (though the troops do it all the time). The weapon's high ROF also causes severe over heating techniques. That's were another food product comes in, French fries, probably the second greatest invention of this discovery from the French. Anyway, the hot rifle cooked some potatoes up and created the French fry. Troops say that if only the rifle spilled out some wine, they could have a full meal course from it. They race around picking up the jelly beans after each battle, yummers. Additionaly, the the gun carries an assortment of hygiene tools for those who are too 1337 to use electric shavers. Originally going to be an electric toothbrush, but the AK47 and M16 already dominated the market. Yes, along with the long Long shaver©, the gun also comes with a gas powerd guillotine, for extra tough whiskers. Another rather Frenchy feature is it's vibrating butt, please don't ask why.
Design[edit]
(1) Back Massager (2) Cheese Grater (3) Table to eat your cheese (4) Small oven (5) Dials to adjust how hot you want your creme brulee (6) Can opener (7) Box w/scissors inside (8) Guillotine (9) Volume lever that adjusts how loud you want your violin music (10) Screw to adjust vaccuum power (11) Paintbrush (12) Gooseneck lamp/blowtorch/drill (13) Trigger's Son (14) Trigger (15) 'Sacre Bleu!' button (16) ERGONOMIC bean magazine (17) A table for your beaner shooting buddy (18) French maid pager (18)((#2, rear)) Something cool to get your finger stuck in
Purpose[edit]
The rifle's original intention was for hunting the French favorite escargot (that's SNAILS to us humans). The original shepherds believed that a rifle would have to be created for the capture of these ever-deadlier creatures. As development of the rifle proceeded, it became obvious that the rifle's beans did not have enough penetration power for it to through the shell of the snail. So they added nuclear tipped warheads on the ammo, along with giving it rocket propulsion, and also added-in dog poop for certain death. Soldiers disliked this because this ruined the taste of the jelly beans, and it totatly destroyed the dumb little snails anyway. After this, the Famas lost it's original purpose as an escargot hunter. Nontheless, the rifle exceeded its performance in Desert storm, as it fed hungry troops, and the extra desert heat caused the jelly to melt, replacing the need for water.In video games Satan repurposed it to kill people who have actual skill, and thus is the favorite weapon of n00bs and hackers who cheat to get to Elite rank on Rainbow Six Vegas.
Later life[edit]
As the rifle lost it's place as a fully automatic escargo hunting rifle, it almost lost any reason for it to exist. Until it was later thought that the Famas could be used to hunt something else of equal or greater value. Frogs, specifically frog legs, the uber fire rate gave the hunters an advantage over the amphibians. The gun could easily catch the hopping things with particular ease. So, now the rifle is commonly used by many, but too bad, now the frogs are wiped out! Lololol. It is also used A WHOLE FUCKING LOT in Rainbow Six Vegas as a bullet hose to n00b people to death with.
Variations[edit]
- Famas- Standard version
- Famas G2- Uberer fire rate, sharper guillotine and edges installed for cutting yourself. Can also use M16 magazines. Also fires french fries.
- Famas Feline- Attracts cats with the "purr generator" attached to it
- Famas killer- Version that kills people ;(
- Famas French standard - comes with a white flag instead of a bayonet, the most common in use by the french millitary
- FAMAS MW2- A version using similar caliber, the .00000556x.00045mm, which utilizes obese sights that protrude out of the rail and a slow-mo reload device.
*Comes in arctic, gray, and vomit flavors.
Famas killer[edit]
April 2016.3, a press review was held at the national meuseum of disgarded arts, on the new Famas Killer™. As soon as it was revealed, people began to shout at themselves. "The weapon is gonna kill someone!!!" and "I left the oven on!" and the reporters formed a bon fire and danced around it. This irrelavent event caused an enormous drop in sales for all of the Famas weaponry. Why? Because the Famas actully kills people now! The French believed that this was 'next-gen', and should be implemented in every future rifle. "C'est bon, oui".
Notes[edit]
- The FAMAS is not famous
- You are reading this
- The French must have a good reason for attracting cats
- The cheese pad was discarded in later variants due to it distracting the soldiers (they're french, after all)
- The funny button is funny