Evo-Devo
Evo-Devo (short for "Evolution is the Devil") was a short-lived contemporary Christian rock band from somewhere-in-the-South known for their radical views on evolution. They toured the United States teaching public schools that Christianity and science can coexist as one, namely intelligent design. Their full-length debut album, Get Yo God-Assisted Molecular Genetics On sold over 12 million copies in its first week, since Christians will buy basically anything with God in the title, though the band broke up soon afterwards to due creative and religious differences.
Evo-Devo were pioneers of the music video, though their graphic snuff films of Darwinists dying in cross-shaped bonfires around groups of black-hooded priests never reached mainstream broadcasting.
History[edit]
Background and Formation[edit]
Evo-Devo began in 1995 as a church group wanting to get everyone puuumped about Jesus, as did most Christian rock bands. First going by the name "Godcrack" (not to be confused with Godsmack, which is a pretty shitty band), they played at church and surrounding suburbs, requesting money for abortion clinic bombings and maintenance costs for Pat Robertson's personal collection of talking wall fish. Eventually, they decided to deviate from the orthodox Christian rock scene and write songs about Jesus in a Southern accent, something never before attempted.
It was at this time that new ideas sprang to the surface. Frontman Fred Fundie soon developed the idea to introduce themes of intelligent design and expose the false untruths of modern secular materialism to the world. Hence, they changed their name to Evo-Devo and turned to a new, grittier sound. Naturally, not all band members agreed with this change, and prior to the release of their first single, drummer Rod Godman and lead guitarist Bob Jebus left the band, quoting "The monkeys will get you all", obviously making a reference to evolutionism.
First Big Break[edit]
No sooner did the band release their first single "The Monkeys Are Here", than fan mail started pouring in. Christians called Evo-Devo a "refreshing slap in the face of modern Darwinism" and "take that, commies!" Unfazed by this new found fame, Evo-Devo continued to play modestly at church groups and weddings. Soon, however, a record deal with one of the biggest Christian rock producers in the South would lead to outstanding prominence in the genre. Their second single, "Whip the Sinner" reached #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, securing Evo-Devo's place in the music industry. Finally, in 1996, they released their first full-length studio album.
Reign in Christ[edit]
Following a three-year hiatus after the drug-related death of bassist Gerald Angel, the band returned with a brand new album, featuring even harder tracks, with softer, more Jesus-inspired lyrics. The album was well-received by fans, though critics noted its complete substition of talent and hard work for "Jesus" and liabous slurs about seculars, evolutionists, and Democrats, to which Fred Fundie rebutted: "Yeah, well, you're all Jews anyways".
The Breakup[edit]
Evo-Devo finally broke up in 1999 one week after Reign in Christ, releasing this public statement:
| “ | Our band's style and music has changed so much in these three years, or was it four? And we've killed so many sinners; we feel it's time to move on and make something else of our lives, perhaps go into some clerical occupations, preferably something in the KKK, I hear they're looking for new members. The possibilities are endless for Evo-Devo, because we have God on our side, unlike those Jews" - band member chuckles - "And with that, we announce our departure from the music industry. Hail Jesus, and oh yeah, fuck Catholics, Jews, and Darwinists. Woooooooh! | ” |
It's a source of vehement controversy whether Fundie actually said "Woooooooh!" or not.
It was later revealed that all members of the band were latent homosexuals, and secretly each member was involved in various forms of incest within each member's own families. After gaining success from the first single the band toured extensively through out various southern states. But because of their constant need for homosexual intercourse with each other it became difficult for the band actually perform complete shows each night, as they were always back stage performing on each other. A typical problem for bands of this genre with southern roots. This would later become their downfall as group/band sexual encounters became more important to them then the actual music itself. Because of Evo-Devo's fast rise to fame and fast fall to rock bottom, each member has become a heroin junkie and were last seen, at different times, on Derby Street in downtown Birmingham, AL offering oral sex to various liberal men to obtain money for quick fixes. Evo-Devo is prime example for young bands today how not to squander fame and fortune. When music takes a back seat to sex and drugs, a band member can say to themselves, "I don't want to get Evo-Devo'ed.
Discography[edit]
Get Yo God-Assisted Molecular Gentics On (1996)[edit]
Billboard Position: #1
Track listing[edit]
- Whip the Sinner
- God Made Me, Here I Am, World!
- We Don't Need No Evolution
- The Monkeys Are Here
- I Love Everyone (If Everyone Loves God)
- Fuck Off, Commie!
- Comfortably Dumb
- I Ain't No Monkey
Reign in Christ (1999)[edit]
Billboard Position: #99
Track listing[edit]
- It's Raining Jesus!
- Jesus Saves (The Willing)
- Aggressive Savior
- Richard Dawkins Can Kiss Jesus's Ass
- Jesus, I'll Be the Woman This Time
- Jesus Wasn't an Ape, and Neither Am I
- Jesus
- Jesus part II
- Hey Jesus
- I Love You (Jesus)