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Modern Emospeakers. Looking pretty, girls!

“Why would I care about what a worthless peon like you has to say?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Emospeak


Emospeak refers to a condescending tone of language used by individuals in an attempt to humiliate another person by flexing their intellectual muscle. This should not be confused with execuspeak, which is similar to emospeak except used to impress business associates and subordinates rather than humiliate them.

Emospeak is not a phenomenon exclusive to emo kids, it has also been witnessed in goths and geeks who tend to memorize episodes of anime cartoons by production code. Despite others being seen using emospeak, the most common manifestation of this phenomenon is the “Emo kid being flamed on the Internet” defense. From this manifestation we can accurately draw its name.

Modern Emospeak[edit]

Modern Emospeak as used by a popular emo band, The Unbearable Lightness

With the popularity of sites such as MySpace and LiveJournal contributing to the exponential growth of the emo community between 2001 and 2005, emospeak has never been more widely used (and abused). Now rather than being a poetic and wry, almost modern-day Shakespearean, response to an ignorant attack, the response is not only ignorant, but often times uncalled for.

Modern emospeak has so bastardized the carefully-crafted art of the early oppressed high school goths that some have compared it to the bastardization of rap by such artists as 50 Cent and Kanye West. Because of the awesome power of early emospeakers, the technique was, like Karate, intended to be a last-resort for defense. However over the past several years it has been abused for defense and is even being used as an offensive tactic by some of the more sensitive emo kids to blatantly attack others.

Spelling and grammar has also been thrown out the window with modern emospeak. It is no longer seen as important for an emospeaker to be a good writer to attack the writing skills or intelligence of others. As an emospeaker, it is absolutely imperative that you ensure your enemies know that you are their intellectually superior, no matter how many times they correct you or how little sense you make. The less sense you make, the better. You will then be able to accuse them of not making any sense or not being able to comprehend the profoundness of what you are telling them. You are enlightened, they aren't.

Emospeak Terminology[edit]

While any word with 3 or more syllabels is preferred, there are certain words which, when used properly, will add more oumph to the message you're trying to convey, as an emospeaker:

  • Amuse (amused, amusing)
  • Ant
  • Basically (Used in the same situations as the phrase "pretty much"}
  • Comprehend
  • Cunt
  • Feeble
  • Go play in traffic (This is excellent for ending conversations. Do not respond after using it.)
  • Humor me (humorous)
  • Insignficant
  • Intellectual
  • Peon
  • Poseur (never spell it "poser," or you, yourself are the poseur)
  • Pretty much (As in "I pretty much equal love")
  • Profound
  • Quite
  • Random
  • Right-wing: A clever lil' term that emo kids have learned, 'Right-wing' is a group of people or a person who are happy/idiotic or both. Emo kids are neither of these.
  • Therefore
  • Worthless
  • Indeed (Used as an affirmation, sometimes even in sarcarsm. Ocasionally replaced by the variants "Aye" and "Ja")
  • Ergo (Thanks, Edgeworth)
  • Blatantly obvious

Examples of Emospeak[edit]

Below are situational examples of Emospeak in action.

  • randomuser79: lol emos r fagz!

xemoxcorex: Perhaps if your uncle didn't molest you as a young boy , you would actually makes some sense and not call random people "gay" as an insult.

randomuser79: stfu.

  • randomgirl83:Question, do you wear eyeliner?

xemoxcorex: Question, Do you read profiles? If you need makeup advice go chat with your girlfriends.

randomgirl83: i did read your profile, my question is far from being pointless or shallow.

xemoxcorex: Then explain the brilliant point of you asking me something that? Humor me. Eugh. Scurry along sparky , go find someone who will think you're interesting enough , that they will answer your dull questions.

randomgirl83: it looks like you wear eyeliner, so i wanted to know if you do... yes / no would have been great rather than your 'intelligent' comebacks

  • xemoxcorex: Ja.

Waffen+SS: Mein Führer!

xemoxcorex: Sieg Heil!

  • xemoxcorex: There is no point talking to you, you don't understand anything due to your small IQ. You must be a poseur.

manwholikeswaffles: you will be eaten by a grue. it will enjoy it.

See Also[edit]