Duke Nukem Forever

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Late 16th Century iconographical representation of the return of Duke Nukem, when all shall be judged.

“Come get some...”

~ Duke Nukem on "Why I'm So Great"

The advent of Duke Nukem Forever is something which many believe to be a foreshadowing of the final events in the history of the world and the end of days. Numerous prophecies and beliefs have grown around the subject, which has become a part of modern folklore and New Age thinking. Believers anticipated the return of Duke Nukem from Developer Hell, an event which fulfills aspects of Messianic prophecy, and signaling the end of the world.

Prophecies Regarding Duke Nukem Forever[edit]


Michel de Nostredame is held as the first to prophecise the coming of Duke Nukem Forever.

The coming of Duke Nukem Forever was first prophecised by Michel de Nostredame (universally known as Nostradamus), a French apothecary and reputed seer who published collections of prophecies that have since become famous worldwide. Best known for his book Les Propheties ("The Prophecies"), the first edition of which appeared in 1555. Most of the quatrains deal with disasters, such as plagues, earthquakes, wars, floods, invasions, murders, droughts, and battles — all undated and based on foreshadowings by the Mirabilis Liber, a compilation of predictions by various Christian saints and seers first published in 1522.

The famous quatrain of Nostradamus which most experts believe refers to Duke Nukem Forever is Quatrain MCMXCVII - MMIX, which reads as follows:

   Primoris alio vadum surculus e quantum regnum;
   Duos rutilus aquila of solitudo quod umbre, 
   Plures vadum specto apogee's propinquo, 
   Ut illud solator vadum exsisto remuneror.

With "umbre" evidently a version of the Latin umbra ('shades' or 'a dark glass'), a reasonable English translation would thus appear to be:

   First person shall shoot from within the greater realms:
   Two golden eagles of the desert and shades.
   Many shall await the apogee's approach,
   When those supporters shall be rewarded.

Joseph Smith[edit]

Founder of the Mormon faith, Joseph Smith, detailed the images of a vision given to him in the early spring of 1820 when he was just fourteen years old, after an "unusual excitement on the subject of the future". Within his vision he claimed to see "a golden haired Angel, the Lord of the Centre of the Battle (latin; Dux Nucleum), mighty in strength and armament, descending from the sky to lay waste and smite those who would mutate the works of God". Joseph Smith held that these events would come to pass on the 23rd September 1843.

On the 24th September 1843, Smith announced another vision, which stated that the true believers had postponed the details set out in his vision, and that the events would occur on the 23rd September 1844. Following his death in the June of that year he was not witness to the non-event that occurred. Or rather didn't.

Following this several of his wives and Brigham Young announced that "the vision transmitted to us though the prophet Joseph Smith will unfold in due time." His followers wait, still.

Edgar Cayce[edit]

During a trance in 1945 Cayce predicted that "the Duke's nuclear fallout for all time will be remembered as the source of the Earth shifting on its axis". Many supporters of Cayce claim that this refers to the coming of Duke Nukem Forever, whilst others dismiss him as a bit of a nutter.

David Icke[edit]

In 1991 turquoise clad former footballer and television personality David Icke claimed to have be "the vehicle for the return of Duke Nukem, as channeled to him from God and that he will set about freeing us from our reptilian overlords".


A number of experts have linked the coming of Duke Nukem Forever with "the End of Days" and a number of eschatological beliefs and theories.


Duke Nukem Forever finally was released, to critical acclaim, in 2011. Nearly everybody who played it said it was the greatest game of 2011, and possibly the greatest game yet made. The moment was as defining for Video Games as Tony Hawk doing a 900 at the X-Games. All of the other developers decided to not release any more titles for 4 years in respect. Little did they know that the release of Duke Nukem Forever was properly timed to give all players enough time to finish it's long and deep single player before the end of the world in 2012.