Dawn of War

“It's a Starcraft Knock-Off.”
~ Anyone who has played Both games on Dawn of War

“Warhammer 40k has been around a long time before starcraft even existed!.”
~ DoW Fan on Dawn of War

“Look at the flashy lights!”
~ Five year old on Tau

“For the Emperor!”
~ Space Marine on his Favorite Food

“For the Emperor!”
~ Space Marine on his Favorite TV Program

“For the Emperor!”
~ Space Marine on his Favorite Video Game

“Death to the Emperor!”
~ Space Marine after trying drugs

“All your Space Marine base are belong to us!”
~ n00b on Dawn of War

“Ah! The Light! IT BURNS USSSS!!”
~ Dawn of War player (before transformation) on going outside

“Brains...”
~ Dawn of War player (after transformation) on going outside

“SSSIIIINNNNDRIIII”
~ chaos lord bale on Sindri!!!!!

Dawn of War is a PC game created by Microsoft as a attempt to transform british children into zombies. Based on the Warhammer 40k dolls created by Games Workshop, Dawn of War is set in the 41st millennia BC. Your aim is to attempt to subdue and slay the many peaceful aliens that are attempting to bring about a utopia. Dawn of War is highly praised for it's highly advanced 2D graphics and it's shakespearean dialogue. In order to comply with the UN's health and safety standards, the zombies created by the game are transfered to a secure location (see Ireland)

Everyone knows Star craft itself is a knock off of Warhammer 40K because Warhammer was made much earlier than that piece of junk

The Combatants[edit]

There are nine races that may be controlled in Dawn of War:

A futuristic and advanced ork warchief. Don't you want to give him a hug!

A Imperial Guard officer

The only redeeming trait of the other-wise useless Imperial Guard

But then again...

Space Marines[edit]

Genetically engineered from Chuck Norris's hair, they serve their undying lord (see Pope) They are also called as the 'SUPA DUPA' Space Marines https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fYLfMnXtX8

Orks[edit]

Peaceful green alien fungi that are horrifically stereotyped as horrible monsters(also known as mexican). Known to enjoy babies. Ironically, their leaders are called Mega Armoured Nobs, which the rest of the galaxy laughs at them for, because they have no concept of sexual organs, reproducing through spores.

Eldar[edit]

Highly advanced british aliens that resemble humans with pointy ears. Not at all related to Elves

Chaos Space Marines[edit]

The only truly 'good' race playable in Dawn of War. They serve a pantheon of Chaos Gods like Slanesh, master of pleasure. Even though their lords are mental here's one arguing with mario instead of sacrificing him http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hk3t78U1t_0&feature=related

Imperial Guard[edit]

A human army that resembles both the US and Chinese, spineless in combat and able to breed up to twenty soldiers a day in their factories. Due to the fact their armies are made up of weak and pitiful humans, they are equipped with a large number of powerful Tanks, including the Beyblade.

A typical Necron

Necrons[edit]

A army of evil, soul-sucking, planet-consuming, transexual Terminators.

Tau[edit]

A young, but advanced race of alien Communists, intent on ruling the universe (Surprise, surprise). Their moto is "For Communism, For the Greater Good!" Also they love to ride fish into battle.

Dark Eldar[edit]

The evil emo cousins of the Eldar, intent on both ruling the universe and the top music charts with their shity hardcore songs. Go outside MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE!!!!!

Sisters of Battle[edit]

The Space marine equivalent of a ginger. Highly dangerous and with the ability to light a candle at thirty paces. Another name for the Sister of Battle are Women's Rights Activists

Tyranids[edit]

Distant relatives of Barney the Dinosaur, who have a great love of chocolate and their own dead bodies. They want to consume the whole Galaxy in order to fulfil their sweet tooth.

Multiplayer[edit]

The Multiplayer functions of Dawn of War are not yet comparable to that of the game 'Real Life', but many DoW zombies are very, very pleased. For a Dawn of War n00b to gain wins and thus experience in this harsh and unforgiving community he (no girls actually play Dawn of War) must first befriend someone who has already succumbed to the DoW Zombie Virus and then play many dozens of games with this person in 2v2 mode hoping that some of the DoW zombie's skill rubs off on them. Of course by then, they only have days before they perish and arise as zombies.

Plot[edit]

A overview of the various convoluted plots from the Dawn of War games.

Dawn of War[edit]

The aim of the first Dawn of War is to lead a army of invincible super-priests through a enemy territory full of confusing plot points and dangerous twists. The game ends with you fighting against a terrifying cliff-hanger that is beyond comprehension.

Dawn of War: Winter Assault[edit]

The second Dawn of War: Winter Assault (Winter Assault by those zombies) takes place on the terribly important, but almost completely useless, ice planet of Cocaine. The planet is inhabited by chain-smoking narrators with deep voices and the ability to say things such as "But each death served only to feed it's dark appetite" and "With the Space Port you can attack any location other than Enemy Stronghold". But as global drug prices rise, the various alien races must brave this dark planet and it's evil, narrating inhabitants to ensure they can dominate the Dope industry.

Dawn of War II[edit]

Relic lost count of which game they were on so they went back to the highest number they could count to. They added the tyranids who are distantly related to Barney the Dinosaur. There are most of the characters from the previous games as no one could think of anything new and the main character isn't even named, which shows how much thought was spent on that. Its pretty much the first one, just disguised to look like you are actually doing something worthwhile. It is said that Mr T is unlockable towards the end of the game where he pities the planetary system to destruction.