David Hasselfrog

Note that Hasselfrog's extreme shininess had passed on from his mother, and his general ugliness from his father

“Hey, wasn't this article started by a vandal?”

~ Oscar Wilde on This article

David Hasselfrog (born January 5, 1975) is the Musician counterpart of the always-unusual David Hasselhoff - whom failed to make a good example to anybody.

Biography

The name Hasselfrog comes from the common proverb "Hasselfrog bog", referring to vandalism. Hasselfrog's parents were Christina and Bobby Hasselfrog. Christina was of a Norwegian heritage, while Bobby was of the Froggian race. Froggia is a tiny city in Sydney, which has the unique Froggian species of human. This refers to the fact that all the Froggians had been ugly and green-coloured, as if they were suffering gangrene. Thankfully, this was just a human race.

Due to the two races combining, Hasselfrog's face had become unique - a combination of Norwegian shininess and Froggian ugliness - the perfect human (with the exception of the ugliness). After creating such a child, Hasselfrog's parents split up, leaving Hasselfrog on the ground, until he had been found by a group of human people, claiming that he is the weirdest thing ever, and took him to the baby hospital, yet the racial combination had not been cured.

For educational purpose, Hasselfrog was sent to regular schools. To hide his horrendous deformation, he had worn a bag of potato chips on his head during his entire youth. The bag was commonly full, for eating purposes. In age 15, David Hasselfrog had a heart attack, concerning the sugar that the full bag of chips had been inserting into him. Luckily, David survived the attack.

Career

David was the flagship of the shiny-faced community, due to his musical career. David is best know for the songs "Ribbit", "Ribibit" and "Ribbit II".

At the starting point of his career, he tried to get into MTV, but the studio had a strict rule of "No shiny faces". This was originally meant to be a satirical humor rule, but had been signed as an official MTV rule in 1993. Hasselfrog tried again, this time in the channel "BOOBS3", an abnormal music channel.

After the success of his first album, "Frog - it's a way of life", Hasselfrog burped live on Saturday Night Live. He accidentally triggered the Froggians' number one weakness -- utter humiliation. After this, Hasselfrog made a new album, "Hello Froggia", for no apparent reason. It was an amazing success for Hasselfrog, for being the first man ever to be shiny, and sing at the same time.

Exheritage

Hasselfrog's shininess had been completely faded out by February 2006, which caused his general popularity to take a huge hit right in the balls. Now, that he is just ugly, which had been hidden behind his shininess all these years, many of his fans committed suicide and died. Forever. Hasselfrog retired to the life of ugly people.

Film and Television

Hasselfrog played lead roles in many TV series, such as "Hasselfrog's life", "Living in Froggia", "The Frog that said YES!" and "Elephant Man: The series". He has played the lead role in films like "Hasselhog", "Hassle", "Froggy Life", "Living in Froggia: The Movie" and "Frog Prince". He has also played in the animated series "Living in Froggia: The Animated Series"

He has registered the trademark "Living in Froggia" as a franchise. The story, written by him, is about a fat man who falls on a microphone. The franchise has been adapted to thousands of books, posters, films, clothes, wallpapers etc.

Sex life

Before losing his shininess, Hasselfrog has had an extremely active sex life in his 20s, in the years 1991-1998, before his musical career had even started. He has had sex with names as Chris Aguilera, Michelle Jackson, O'ral Wilde and even himself.