Civilization III
| Civilization III | |
|---|---|
| Developer(s) | Sid Meier, apparently |
| Publisher(s) | Who knows now? |
| Year of inception | 4000BC |
| Genre | "Strategy" |
| Platform(s) | Microsoft Windows |
Civilization III, is the first Civilization game. Nobody actually knows who made it, although its highly suspected to be either Atari, 2K or Infrograms (or however you spell their name). Because of this fact Civilization III is widely regarded to be the most hipster of all the Civilization games, despite the lack of Artisan Coffee luxury resource. Some people claim that Civilization III is the best civ game of all time, however it is blatantly obvious that those people are stuck in 2003, as Civilization IV actually comes with built in Oscar Wilde quotes, henceforth making it 65.9% superior to its predecessor.
Military Strategy[edit]
Unlike its successors, Civilization III has clear faults in the RNG Military Strategy, revolving around the fact that Spearmen can easily defeat Tanks, (just like real life!) Because of this fact, players are advised to spend all of their time, effort and money (remember time is money) building massive armies of Spearmen. I mean who needs Sanitation when you've got Spearmen?
Because of this fact Civilization III has attracted a lot of so called Military Strategists to its ranks, determining whether Spearmen are truly the best way to wage war, or whether an alternative such as Naked men draped in loincloths (otherwise known as warriors) stationed in your city's public toilets, would be a better way of scaring away your adversaries.
Politics[edit]
The political system in Civilization III tends to be stagnant for thousands of years, until the rare occasion that some mug from one of your outer cities starts a sort of rebellion turning your entire godforsaken country into an even bigger turmoil otherwise known as Anarchy. Unlike the sequel, Civilization III has a more rigid political system, this has been proven to increase production to a higher margin than you could ever imagine, Comrade!
Democracy has been proven to increase bitchiness by a whopping 347.8%, which is why the majority of players , Dictators Benevolent members of the ruling class prefer methods such as Communism, Monarchy and Fascism to control their subjects, in no way infringing on their rights!
For the most part though
Geography[edit]
The third civilization has a varied terrain. There are hills. There are grasslands. There are Seas. There isn't much to know about it. There's a few lakes here and there too, a concentration of mountains in the northern reaches of the realm.
Contrastingly this "game" ships with a "Scenario Editor", which while it may be used to create complex modifications for the game, is more commonly used to make worlds that look like tits, penises and other things, if you know what I mean. However unlike it's successor's WorldBuilder, you can't add Missionaries. Fans don't mind this matter too much, as missionary was a boring position anyway.
The Wildlife are also very wild, and cant be penned in. The cattle have lots of sacks on them, The whales have their fins in the air, The fish perform 69. This has created a very sexually diverse and tolerant nation, who frolic in the fields and fuck until the cows come (home).