Cipollino
“I'm going to check-raise your monkey ass.”
"Chipolino" Juanita Quaid Surphman Negreanu (born the same day as Jesus, 1972) is a Mexican rapper, comedian and part-time online poker legend. He was born on the border between Canada and Cuba (obv) to John and Wes Quaid. Chippy, as he'd like to be known, grew up taming wild donkeys from Germany for food. Considered by many of his peers to be the true and only poker grinder in the world today. However, many of his critics (aka haters) claim that he does not play enough hands a month to be worthy of that title.
Rap Career[edit]
Chipolino achieved chart success with his hit single "In Poker Life" which debuted at #1 and remained there for 34 weeks. Unreal really because the lyrics were shite. Some say he stole his album names from Britney Spears. But Britney is a bitch and no-one cares.
Discography[edit]
- 1999: ...Donkey One More Time
- 2000: Oops!... I Donked It Again
- 2003: In the Xwn
- 2007: Donkout
- 2008: Yang Bang Me One More Time
Comedy[edit]
King of the one liners, Chipolino inspired the revolutionary "IntelliJoker" brand of poker avatars that appear on PokerStars tables all over the world.
Poker Career[edit]
You can often find Chipolino grinding (meaning 4-betting w/ air every other hand) the $50/100NL (not $100NL, as the haters would want you to believe) 6-max cash game tables on both PokerStars and Full Tilt Poker. Despite this, Chipolino bases his game solely on David Grey - considered the biggest nit in the universe. NB It was once discovered he raised KK preflop but he might've been drinking.
Away from the table Chipolino spends most of his time in McDonald's restaurants stealing their internet connection and chatting to a group of donkeys known only as "The Skype Crew". Thanks to these appearances at the popular fast-food restaurant, Chipolino is due to appear in the Mexican remake of Super Size Me where he will attempt to consume nothing but panera bread, 3 meals a day, for 30 days.
Chippy's favourite hand is A9o (Ace-Nine offsuit), which is known as the Yang-Banger in memory of his childhood hero, Jerry "In the name of Jesus Christ" Yang.
As of September 27, 2008, Chipolino's online poker winnings total around $16.49 according to the new PokerTracker 3.
Personal Life[edit]
Chippy has been reported to have had flings with at least one or more of the following:
- Lindsay Lohan - currently denies accusations having just come out.
- Paris Hilton
- Quaid's sister
- Himself
- Vanessa Selbst
Other than that he doesn't have one.
Despite their rocky professional relationship, Chip has been seen helping Quaid(his main critic and hater)in the gym. As of this writing, Quaid has put on 20lbs of solid muscle.
Other reports have also seen them fishing together. And so it appears, that their hateful relationship is just an act to attract a bigger fan base.
Amusing Anecdotes[edit]
During the 2005 WSOP Main Event, Chippy and Phil Hellmuth got involved in a memorable hand. Chip held AA and Phil had AK. Phil, like the donk that he is, end up folding preflop and told his wife "I can dodge bullets baby!" obviously taunting Chip. What followed shocked the entire poker world. Faster than a gunslinger, Chip drew his Desert Eagle and screamed like a little girl "Dodge this!". The two bullets blew both of Phil's kneecaps. "I guess you can't dodge bullets after all!" Chip uttered. Phil withdrew from the Main Event and Chip proceeded to win it. To this day Mr. Hellmuth refuses to enter a tournament in which Chip is registered.
Trivia[edit]
- He's actually Cuban. And Russian. With a touch of American. Oh yeah, and Canadian.
- He's been to the gym every day since 1972. Working off the panera bread.
- Chuck Norris once lost a fight to him and considered it the worst moment of his life. He died of a heart attack shortly after.
Quotes[edit]
“Damn that bitch is some fine Mexican cuisine!”
“When it comes to poker, if I'm not God, I must be his brother.”
“GFY Mexicano.”
“[Panting aggressively]”
“OMFG I JUST GOT SUKCED OUT ON THE FCUKIN RIVER AGIAN SCREW YU I QUIYT IM GONNA GO DRIKNB N SMOKE WEEEEEEED.”
Quotes From Haters[edit]
- "Playing 100000000 hands a month is not enough to be called a true grinder, let alone the best grinder." - Quaid745
- "Chip plays the hands so bad that even if he plays a huge amount of hands and shows a small profit, he's still a donkey in my book." Rockytopkid
- "He pwn pwn pwns!!! Now where's that final table of Felipe gone?" - Caddieup
- "chipeee is my heroe..." - birddog2631
- "OH MAH GAHHHHHHHHD!!!" - Postbacon
- "He's such a soppy cunt." - mattyd86
- "When I first joined the Skype crew, many of the guys always observed Chip at the table and I thought it was because he was so good. I later realized the Skype crew only watched him because they wanted a good laugh." - JackBileDuct
- "Shame all the guys are such haters...probably because Chip is such a stud. Phoooaaarwwww!!!" - Susanna, the executive gay woman and twin of recently married lesbian Ellen Degeneres
- "...only one small problem, he is Cuban, not Mexican, not that it matters." - DEADF15H/Surphman, Chippy's gay lover
- "Everynight I go to bed and pray : Jesus...err Chip...please...I want to be like you, help me be like you, amen." - kdunlap
- "One day maybe I can be as laggy as chipolino." - airedale05
Sharkscope[edit]
Any questions?
