Badminton
“Badminton is like a prostitute, the idea is, is to bang cocks as hard as you can.”
“Tennis was made for pussies that like balls. Badminton was made for pussies that like cocks.”
Badminton was invented in 1832 for the tennis players who preferred the use of cocks rather than balls. This wasn't so easy as there was a shortage of men willing to under go an operation to remove their family heirlooms for a game. Suitable replacements were then looked for. Mummified Sparrows were used for awhile until a manufacturer came up with the standard shuttlecock design.
Because this was the Victorian era, the use of the term 'cock' was considered disgusting and rude and could encourage licentious in polite houses. So an alternative name 'Badminiton' was suggested by the Duke of Beaufort as that was also the name of his country house. So the game became known as Badminton.
Today's Game[edit]
Badminton is a popular sport to play in gardens and playing areas. It is also popular in Nudist camps when you can't get enough people to play Volleyball. The rules are to keep the shuttlecock in the air as long as possible until you smash it down with your raquet. The shape of badminton racquet evolved from the snowshoes used in the game of Tennis as played by Inuit -- in which baby seals were beaten with said snowshoes. Due to some confusion when more "civilized " rules were being developed during the late 1800's, racquet was mistakenly taken from Raquetteer (another word for pirate) to describe the snowshoe which had been redesigned by Thomas Edison whose innovations included removing the straps and using lighter violin string rather than the weightier whale intestine.
Sadly, much information about this pastime was lost when the copy of the rules created during the 19th century were destroyed by raiders during the Mexican-American War, and it is suspected that more current versions are highly corrupt, as the rules since then have only been passed on via word-of-mouth by drink-sodden suburbanites.
Anyway, these are the current rules:
- • Keep the shuttlecock up in the air.
- • Avoid playing a game if a player owns a dog. They love to chase the shuttlecock and chew it to pieces.
- • A net should be hung between higher than an elephant's eye. Check availability of the elephant.
- • Cheating is permissable if it is raining.
The aim of the game is to beat the cock - he who beats the cock the fastest usually wins and hence the prize for winning at the end of the game is a soggy biscuit.
Badminton (once known as the Sport of Kings) has faded into obscurity as more and more countries, under urging from human-rights organizations such as Amnesty International and the World Health Organization, have passed laws against its practice and it is now only played in highly illegal underground arenas. When questioned, players only respond with the esoteric "There is only one rule: Don't talk about badminton club."