|From||2005 to 2005|
|Members||Pete Doherty/Trent Reznor|
“Oh yes, them, we've had some trouble before, but we've got an eye on them Miss”
- ~ A Policeman reassuring a member of the public
To understand the hideous musical anomaly that is Babyshambles, you must first take the band's name and remove "Baby" from it. This fact is mainly due to their performing monkey of a frontman Peter Qwerty. His worst habit, contrary to popular belief, is not taking drugs, but getting arrested several times a day - making the conventional activities of a band such as making music, touring and posing needlessly rather difficult, if not impossible.
Babyshambles Are Formed
The band was formed in the aftermath of the tragic break-up of seminal rock band, The Libertines. (This band was actually good , thus proving that Peter Qwerty is not without talent. He just seems to have misplaced the ability to use it since then.) Pete then decided to form a new band that would put up with his cocaine-snorting, heroin-stabbing, journalist-kicking lifestyle. He duly found the required people on a Colombian hemp farm, where incidentally Kate Moss was grown from a little stick into a fully-formed twig. However, not even all of them could put up with him and they buggered off. The remaining band consisted of Patrick Walden (possibly deceased), Gemma Clarke (who has now ditched them too), Adam Ficek (NINNY) and Drew McConnell (weird/quiet/crying-Spanish/Irish/English-hardcore/indie/emo kid). In early 2006, Patrick Walden went to jail almost as much as Pete did and, as having a criminal who isn't Pete in the band is one of Babyshambles' big no-nos, he was fired. Some bloke who looks like (and probably smells like) Bez now plays lead guitar.
Babyshambles Release An Album
It was called 'Down In Albion', and is generally deemed to be complete and utter sheet stain. The track 'Albion' used to be good when performed by The Libertines or Pete Doherty by himself, but Babyshambles have a unique talent for taking good songs and making them the worst thing they could possibly be: slightly worse than mediocre . The album took them to new depths and as a result the bass player drowned (Bass players are never up to much anyway). Pete also suffered a seizure but even medical experts could not determine whether this was down to drugs or the horror that was his new album. 2,009,678 suicide attempts follow begging the question "Attempts!?"
Babyshambles Do Some Gigs
Pete even turned up for one of them. He was wearing a dress and a wig, but no-one liked to say anything.
The Future for Babyshambles
- They did not kill a man for his giro. They would have, but apparently it goes straight into your bank account these days, curse the government. They did bum a man for his biro, however.
- They did not do a good song about guns that was the other bloke, though most people prefer playing armies.