American grammar
American Grammar (pronounced 'MEHrIHcan grAHmmEHR in American English) is the formal system of using English in the United States. Many consider the English language to be an unintelligible garble of nonsense spoken by British bastards, but in the US they have managed to make it an easily understood method of communication primarily for the pimping, drug, and money industries. The American dialect is composed of multiple cultural twists in the US (usually white and negro) thus multiplying the intelligibility exponentially.
Superiority[edit]
“This is 'Merica! We ain't got no mothafuckin' time a be talkin' 'bout dat shit. ”
To prove the American dialect's superiority over British speakers are the following phrases:
- British greeting: "How do you do?" - To answer this requires explaining to the gent just how you do and why you do just to go about your day.
- American greeting: "'Sup nigga?" - A short question usually demands an equally short answer such as, "Sup." Thus, you return to your life unaltered by any of your greeters fowl concoctions.
- British argument: "I do declare." - Implies that he's got the upper hand and more sophisticated knowledge of that which he declares.
- American argument: "Imma hood nigga, bitch!" - Suggests that your hoodness is inferior to or incapable of handling his. This is where the American negro does bodily harm to the presumably white bitch in question.
Interesting to note, the word nigga was originally for negros only. This was until wiggerdom became predominant among the United States white population who, instead of being badass on their own would rather look up to and kiss the asses of their negro counterpart. Therefore British English and White 'Merican English are both inferior to their Negro American English brother.
General rules[edit]
Logic[edit]
To succeed in proper 'merican argumentation one must perform math to add parts of the argument together, such as: 'Merica is great (a), and Hitler is great (b), therefore Hitler is a great 'merican man and must be worshiped (c). You see, putting a and b together to make c will make anything you say correct as long as a + b = c. If a + b = not c you will be placed into grammar concentration camp for your offence against everything good. If Hitler were not 'merican then he could not be great. Hitler is great therefore he must be a 'merican.
Big words[edit]
In 'merica they get confused when they hear big words (a rhetorical term for words with multiple syllables). This is because 'merican ears are smaller than those of other people. Small words common to them are: foo', 'bout, bitch, gi' me, and yeen, with the adjective nigga being the exception. If you were to use big words in front of a white audience they may understand you but will likely suggest you cease "talking smart". If you were to do the same for a black audience the results are much more violent and often ends with you in the hospital.