Agent

Several agents and agencies are shown here. The person in the foreground is a Horse Agent who has just negotiated a multiple-movie package deal for his client (right).

Agent is a word with many meanings. To reach the correct Uncyclopedia article, pick the meaning of interest below.

People

One definition of agent is a person who acts on behalf of you. The following are agents:

• Estate Agent
• Free Agent
• Insurance agent
• Literary agent
• Stockbroker
• Talent agent

When an agent works for an agency, however, he acts against you. The following agencies probably have agents:

• Central Intelligence Agency
• Central Stupidity Agency
• Wikipedian Security Agency
• U.S. Reporting Agency
• National Security Agency
• Federal Emergency Management Agency
• Ghostbusters

In the U.S., other agents work for "bureaus," "administrations," or even "services." In the case of the Internal Revenue Service, this guarantees that agents act against you, and may even "service" you.

Secret Agents train from books like this one.

In one case, it is impossible to know whether the agent is working for you or against you:

• Secret Agent

And in one case, the agent is doing both:

• Double Agent

You may be looking for a specific agent, such as one of the following:

• Agent Scully
• Agent Smith

Things

Agent as a thing is rather different. Conservatives insist that "weapons don't kill people, people do," but they nevertheless refer to a variety of tools for committing mayhem as agents. One asks who really works for whom. These agents include the following:

• Agent Orange
• Chemical agents
• Nuclear agents
• Re-agents

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