Aardvarky

Official Aardvarky symbol.

“I want to be Aardvarky!”

~ Bonny Cotton of The Sock Pastilles on Aardvarky

“Anarchy with more aardvarks.”

~ The official Aardvarky Slogan

“You can't achieve Aardvarky without eating a few ants.”

~ Oscar Wilde

Aardvarky is one of the most complex and fascinating political beliefs (it has been voted No.2 in Q's 100 most complex and fascinating political beliefs). On a basic level it carries the slogan "Anarchy with more aardvarks", though what this means is debatable. The belief was created by Humphrey HeeliesTM and Montgomery Moonshoes and to this day they still debate on what it is about. Most of this is told to blind ears, but as Humphrey HeeliesTM has also debated ears cannot be blind so the on-going debate continues.

Followers of Aardvarky are known as "Followers of Aardvarky" or "Aardvarkians" and are not in anyway associated to The Anteater Society Of Eastern Luxembourg, which contrary to un-popular belief are actually based in North-Eastern Luxembourg. This is due to the fact Luxembourg only has one direction.

Aardvarky Theories

Yeah, take it! Cause we aint having it back! Because we don't have a receipt...

The main theory is that anarchy should concern aardvarks though this has yet to be scientifically proven. However a recent essay has suggested the possibility that aardvarks are not real, just a political belief and that anarchy is a termite eating mammal. The essay was published on A4 paper.

The main Aardvarky theories are:

• The belief it is simply anarchy with more aardvarks.
• The belief anarchy is a termite-eating mammal and aardvarks are political belief.
• The belief mankind would be better off with no government, only aardvarks.
• The belief that aardvarks hold the souls of dead punks inside of them.
• The belief that aardvarks are the perfect form of chaos.
• The belief that we could be completly free if we received surgery to become an aardvark.
• The theory that pure Zen (first seen in Superman 2) is Aardvarky perfection.

Aardvarky Fasion

An example of an Aardvarky "Hoffullet".

Aardvarky has a very distinctive style, including a hairstyle known as the Hoffullet. Nobody knows where this word derives from, but it is believed to come from the greek word - "soup" meaning "a hairstyle resembling that of an aardvark". Sadly the word "soup" had already been chosen for a liquid like meal so "Hoffullet" was picked instead.

Humphry HeeliesTM said on the subject:

“ Followers of Aardvarky are encouraged to be individual in their clothing style by following a strict set of rules. This includes the need for clothing. This has been debated though. ”

People have stated that aardvarks are always nude therfore to be a true "Follower of Aardvarky" you must be naked. This of course was quickly dismissed due to the fact that many aardvarks would wear clothes if they could but sadly it is difficult to find any in their size.

Aardvarkising

Nike's similar way of "advertising"

One of Aardvarky's main characteristics is its unorthodox look on advertising also known as "Aardvarkising". Rather than billboards or posters Aardvarky often scrawls it's "logo" on random surfaces similar to Nike without the slave labour or cheese strings.

This has led to the famous courtcase of "Aardvarky Vs Nike". Nike stated its case in front of the jury, however in an abnormal twist Nike wrote this on two pieces of A5 paper. The court case was settled when the judge said in a stereotypical Italian voice, "Everybody dance!". The phrase has now become most popular with judges when talking to the victims of murder.

Aardvarky Protests

Aardvarky Protestors demonstrate their "skillz in da hood"

Aardvarky "marches" are the most popular. They will usually move from a meeting spot down and around a town while riding an aardvark or crawling on all fours like an aardvark. Meanwhile Aardvarky "graffitiers" will spray the Aardvarky symbol on "cruel examples of fascism".

Protests can often end in violence however, with many "Followers of Aardvarky" often receiving injuries from opposing parties - such as the Dr Zseus Neo-Nazi Party (practicers of Cat-In-The-Hatzism) whose followers known as "Sneech Heads" will target the left wing party while chanting racist rhymes. Reasons for these attacks have included the factor that their shoes may be too tight, or their heads are not screwed on quite right. Though these are not well documented.

There have also been cases of Aardvarky nudist marches. These are rare and always involve men who will shave the "area down there" also known as the "pubage" and paint on the "wangdoodle" also known as a "penis" to make it look like an aardvark. Witnesses have stated, "Don't you wave that thing in my face!" followed by cries of "AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! My eyes!"

Famous "Followers Of Aardvarky"

Celebrities have often wanted to appear edgy and dangerous to seem to go against their robot masters so what better way than through Aardvarky? One of the most famous celebrity "Followers Of Aardvrky" was Albert Eistein TM. This was back when Albert Einstein was a professional American Football player and it wasn't till he received a shoulder injury he turned to science. However in his "sporting" days he was a keen "Follower of Aardvarky". Other famous people to be "Followers of Aardvarky" include Ozzy Osbourne's disembodied head and The Creature From The Black Lagoon.

Music

Aardvarky is most often talked about in the songs typical of the bunkbed genre. Notable musicians who are "Followers of Aardvarky" include the Socks Pastilles, Grass, The Smash, Iggy Pope and The Ted Fennehies.

See Also

• Anarchy