Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/March 8

March 8: Trans-European Trim Those Nose Hairs Day, Search and Destroy Oscar Wilde Shippers Day

• 808 - Argle bargle infinitesimal flea splitters rumple cargilous mentalfloss.
• 1213 - While moustaches are important, trimmed nose hairs are equally so. Therefore knights and noblemen would put sharp angled points on their swords to do the job.
• 1616 - Method acting is developed by Shakespeare's troupe. In a scene requiring a deeply pained performance, an actor would quickly pluck out a nose hair, ensuring so much pain as to give a convincing show of emotion, tears and all.
• 1711 - Powdered wigs become very popular among the wealthy, but they would often forget to dye their nose hairs to match.
• 1894 - Fans are outraged by lurid fanfiction written about Oscar Wilde. They later find the writing to be entries from Wilde's diary. They then let their hair grow long, and buy mohair suits and pimp sticks to become like their god.
• 1896 - Men would begin parting their nose hairs down the middle during this time. They would eventually part nose hairs on one side or the other by 1940, always carrying a nose hair comb in a pocket. Women favored nose hair perms to match whatever style was popular at the time.
• 1923 - The henna rinse becomes popular with women for coloring mismatched nose hairs. This process would be later known as waterboarding.
• 1968 - Hippies refuse to trim their nose hairs, scandalizing the world. They are shipped off en masse to Viet Nam to be used as human shields, as their smell repels the Viet Cong and snipers are camouflaged by the huge masses of unkempt nose hairs.
• 1974 - The French build the Exocet missile to destroy the ever-growing Oscar Wilde cult of false quotes in order to promote writers of fake Gustave Flaubert quotes.
• 1986 - Weasels gain the spotlight, popularized in the movie Ferret Bueller's Day Off.
• 1992 - Michael Jackson buys a sword from 1213.
• 2014 - The nose hair man bun becomes briefly popular. As it interferes with breathing, it quickly falls out of favor even though fart odors are filtered out effectively.