Why?:Can't I Write a Good Article?
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
I was so sure of myself, so sure that it would work. And now it's gone. Failed. Completely and utterly destroyed. All the work I put into it, gone. In an instant.
It was the article I had been working on for a month. I had been so careful with it. I'd made sure that everything was up to scratch. But no.
My article on huffing money has been deleted. Deleted!
Dammit again! Damn those cursed elitists. Always going around deleting articles they think are crap, without giving two cents about what the writer thinks. They just don't understand my creativity. All they see is just some stupid moron from Brazil writing pointless articles about stuff nobody wants to read. Well, if nobody wanted to read it, how did they come across the article in the first place!? Screw them, screw them all to Hell.
It's just not fair. I was so close. I almost had the article done and completed fully. I was just waiting for a picture from the lazy people on that page. Again, damn those stupid elite writers. Why can't they just accept my articles as brilliant? Why are they being such dicks? It's just so hopelessly unfair.
Why, why can't I write a good article for once? WHY!?
Is it me?
It must be me. It must be. I'm not the best writer in the world, I admit it. I may even be the worst. Who know. I failed my English exams. Hardly my fault, but that's what you get when your teacher doesn't really speak the same language as you. But still, that doesn't mean I'm illiterate. Or is it alliterate? I dunno. I just have problems putting things into the right wording. That's hardly my fault. They have spell checkers for those retards who can't spell, so why couldn't they make something for those of us who are grammatically challenged?
What about all the other people on this website who can't string two sentences together at all? They have their articles put on the front page with no hitches at all! Heck, they even get awarded for their stupidity. What do I get? Nothing. Just a big stamp of rejection and a deleted article. Real fair, guys. Perhaps you should think about the rest of us who are sitting by the sidelines while you make prodigies out of these bozos. Maybe they bribed you, maybe they're related to you, maybe they're secretly you. I don't care. Just cut the rest of us, and particularly me, some slack.
I just suck, really. I have no job to keep me going. I could get a job if I wanted to, perhaps work off some of this weight I've put on. But no, I'd rather sit on my ass all day writing shitty articles for this website and have some 11-year-old from Pakistan ban it because it wasn't funny. Ha, funny! He should take a look out the window at all the bomb craters in his street and go stand in one for target practice for the Americans. Now that's funny.
Is it someone else?
I doubt that I'm fully to blame for all of my screwups. This site is edited by hundreds, maybe thousands, of stupid people who want to ruin a decent piece of work that somebody's gone to all the trouble of making.
Most of the articles I used to write were edited a lot by random fags who weren't even registered to the site. Probably just some Ohio dude looking to make a quick score on the internet to make himself look cool. Maybe. They should really fix that. I mean, they can hardly keep track of all the registered users editing, so why allow non-registered fags to mess up everyone's work? Gee, these admins really didn't know what the hell they were doing when they made this site, did they?
Is it the review?
It might be that blasted review thing. They employ snotty-nosed idiots who wouldn't know a damn good article if it bit them somewhere painful. They probably can't write a decent article themselves, and they get their kicks by shooting everyone's articles down. That would explain the nasty review I got for my latest one. They just kept screaming Mudkip all the way through the article. What the hell is a Mudkip, anyway!? Kids these days.
Is it the topic?
Perhaps I just need to find something actually interesting to write about. Usually I just write about whatever I think is interesting. Not many people like that, though. Nobody really wants to know about huffing money these days, do they? They want stupid articles on Grues and rude jokes about people's anatomy. I need to get with the flow of interest if I want my article to be on the front page. Maybe next, I'll do a topic on huffing Grues! Yeah! That's a brilliant idea. Who could say no to that?
Do I need to bribe someone?
That's something I've noticed. Every decent user on this site has a PayPal account. With the rising costs and money problems these days, I guess people are more prone to accepting a little bit of money for, say, an article on the front page. Hmmm. Well, I go for my next job interview on Saturday, so maybe I can use the cash I get in my new job to bump my articles to the front page. Hey, that's not a half bad idea! Yeah! That'll teach those admins and pee people to tell me I'm crap! Wait until you see my article on the front page, dumbasses! Then we'll see who's crap then!
Yeah, I'll start up an account on this PayPal and start sending offers. It won't be too obvious. Just a little message, something along the lines of 'WUNT FRE MUNY??! LOL FAVE MI ARTIKL CUNT!!!?', just to get their attention. Then, when they follow it up and ask me about it, I'll start negotiating. Oh yeah. Once we agree on a fixed sum and my article is on the front page, I'll transfer the money into their account. Done deal. Of course, I need to find the money first, but counterfeiting finances is never too hard these days.