Why?:Buy a timeshare

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A majestic view of some of the gorgeous property you could own.

Would you like to take a free trip up to the beautiful Colorado mountains? You and your whole family'll stay here for a week, all expenses paid, and be able to ski at many of our fabulous mountain courses. All you have to do is attend a brief meeting at the resort! No, really, that's it!


Oh my god, really? You're the first person to say yes to me... ever. I... sir, I think I love you.

No! No, you should still come! I won't be creepy about it, I promise! Alright, you can arrange your trip with my secretary, I'll redirect you. I hope you're as excited as I am!

You're gonna have so much fun! Really, you are.

Oh, oh, yes, yes, I'll transfer you. Sorry.

Well, Hey There![edit]

You folks enjoying your stay up here in our gorgeous little mountain town of Aspen? Glad to hear it! How'd you like to own a little piece of land up here? Would that be really expensive? Haha, you're such a kidder. No, it's not expensive at all!

It's Actually Quite Cheap![edit]

You'd be surprised! See, what you're buying here isn't a whole house or property. You're buying part of it. No, no, you're not just buying a room! Look, here's a brochure. See the time on here? If you come to that meeting tonight, I'll get you a free gift, along with this whole trip! You'd like that, wouldn't you? Of course you would! I'll see you there!

Welcome to the meeting![edit]

Hey! Welcome to the 'dreaded' meeting, right? Don't worry, we'll make it fun! Oh, yeah, but as it turns out, you're the only one to show up! Looks like we're gonna get to spend a lot of time together while we talk about this super special deal I'm offering! What is it? Well, you might know it better as a "timeshare", but to be honest, that makes it sound like you have to share a house with somebody.

Technically, I Guess You Are.[edit]

But it's not like you're using it at the same time as other people. You just have to live with all the crap they leave behind, and it's kind of...

It's kind of awesome! Sorry, I got a little bit off topic there. Silly me, right? Ha, yeah... no, but really. You get to own your own piece of land up here! You can just only use it for a limited amount of time. Sounds good, right? Sounds good to me! Okay, you want to start discussing pricing?

...You Want To Leave?[edit]

...You just came for the all expenses paid trip, huh. Well, you still get the free gift! Seriously, you're gonna want to stay for this. You want to know what the gift is? You wanna know?

Brochures on Timeshares![edit]

Take them! Take all of them, and then go enjoy your time on the slopes.

I wouldn't lose them, if I were you. I would read those very closely. Very, very closely.

So, Did You Read All That Literature I Gave You?[edit]

Hey there! Fancy seeing you up here on the slopes. Say, when I left my office last night, I noticed a bunch of papers in the trash can in the hallway that looked suspiciously like the brochures I gave you. You wouldn't know anything about that, right? Well, I guess I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on this one. Just in case you did, you know, 'lose them', here's some more for you. You should definitely read them, I'm not kidding.

Haha, no, it's cool! You just have fun with your family on these great white hills, okay? Okay!

And read those brochures.

Why Did I Find Your Brochures Tossed Off the Mountain?[edit]

You see, buddy, what's interesting is that this time when I gave those brochures, I marked every single one of them to make sure that if I found some brochures just lying around somewhere, I could check and see if they were yours. Guess what? I found all of them on the slopes! Strange, you put them in that backpack you're wearing. The only way that they could have fallen out all the way out on the middle of the run is if you... took them out of your pack and threw them there.

I'm going to have to ask you to come with me, sir. I think that you've displayed a basic disregard for the rules that I set out for you. You were supposed to read the brochures.

Come on, now.

Come with me or your family dies.

Ha ha, not really. But you should come with, you wouldn't want anything bad to happen, right?

You Will Buy a Timeshare From Me[edit]

I don't approve of violence, really. I don't want to hurt you. You could easily sue me for that, and that's not something I need for this buisness. But you know what I can do? I can make you watch slides. Just... slides. You can't leave, and you're going to have to watch. Can you really deal with that?

I Have Over One Thousand Slides Here.[edit]

That's right, and if you make any noises, any, if I so much as hear you breathe, then I start over. You really want to sit through that? None of these slides are actually interesting, y'know. Your eyes will begin to bleed from boredom, and you will thirst for release from the terrible shackles of contract bound agreement you're in. You really should've read those brochures, you could have avoided all of this.

You'd Like a Timeshare?[edit]

Oh, excellent! I'm so pleased to hear it. Well, why don't we go look at the houses, and then we can discuss the contract and the pricing! That's just great. It surely has been a pleasure doing buisness with you!

Also, when you go see your wife and kids again, they might tell you some guys abducted them. That is probably true. We didn't get around to that, that was only if the slides didn't faze you. Boy, we're both lucky that they did!

That was a close one.

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