Wheeling Jesuit University/Buildings/Fed Acker Huang Observatory

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“I have a feeling that this is something I should not be seeing.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Fed Acker Huang Observatory

Clarity of images received by the Fed Acker Huang Observatory were frequently met with a standing ovation.

The Fed Acker Huang Observatory was set up in 1999 by Immortal Jesuit Emperor Fed Acker Huang for the observation of heavenly bodies. It is located in Wheeling Jesuit University's mysterious and wonderful CET building.


The Fed Acker Huang Observatory was built as part of Fed Acker Huang's D for Donation scheme to upgrade university facilities. In a memo written and released to the campus in 1996, Huang stated that:

"This university needs this observatory, and I need your support in getting it built. Of course, I'm going to build it anyway, whether you agree with me or not, but you're probably going to want to agree with me if you like having use of all four limbs (unless you've already lost a few limbs to the Secret Police...oh! What was I saying? Oh yeah). We don't have an observatory, so I'm building one, end of story. Kapeesh?"

Three months later, the Immortal Emperor released a second statement:

"The Board of Governors has unanimously agreed with my proposal, so we're going to go ahead and start construction of the observatory, which will be named after me, of course. Hoo-rah! Oh, by the way, a couple of members of the Board of Governors have gone on a little 'vacation'. I don't think we'll be seeing them again."

The observatory was completed in July, 1999, adjacent to the president's office in the CET. However, students are currently forbidden from using the facility until it has been completely checked by "relevant safety organisations".


The Fed Acker Huang Observatory is conservative in its design, featuring a large telescope whose primary mirror is 30 m in diameter. When questioned as to why the telescope is continually pointed at Kirby/Sara Tracy, WJU's all-female dorm, Huang replied that a giant secondary mirror in the dorm's courtyard further aids the telescope's clarity and range. While this makes no sense to any respectable physicist, any further questioning into the matter usually results in an unexplainable and grisly death.