Viva la Vida
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Invalids suffering from asanctipetronominalitis are deprived of Heaven, pictured here.
Asanctipetronominalitis (known colloquially as Viva la Vida) is a bacterial disease in which one believes various religious figures, commonly St. Peter, will not call his name.[1]
Cause[edit]
The etiology surrounding asanctipetronominalitis is ultimately unexplained. This has explanatory dearth has led many patients to complain about the inability to relay an adequate rationale for their affliction.[1]
Symptoms and diagnosis[edit]
Several prodromes indicate the arrival of asanctipetronominalitis in the body. Sufferers generally have a dark medical history. There are three symptoms which have been observed in direct correlation with asantcipetronominalitis in patients:
- Audial anomalies. Patients with asanctipetronominalitis have reported strange sounds, generally referring to specific phenomena. Physicians have classified these audial anomalies in one of two categories:[1]
- A Hierosolymitan carillon. Sufferers have reported oddly Judean-sounding percussion instruments.[1]
- A Latian equestrian chorale. Victims of asanctipetronominalitis have also indicated audial anomalies relating to ancient Italian cavalry vocalists.[1]
- Vocal anomalies. Those with asanctipetronominalitis have been documented to verbalize strange or eccentric remarks and inquiries:[1]
- A request to be a reflective surface. This is the strangest of the three most common requests from victims of asanctipetronominalitis.[1]
- A request to be a gladial weapon. Subjects to asanctipetronominalitis have also been documented as appealing to sabres and other bladed weapons.[1]
- A request to be a defensive armor. The most common of the three requests, victims also demand conversion into protective surfaces.[1]
None of these symptoms have been sufficiently medically explained.[1]