UnSignpost:UnSignpost/20130509

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The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

May, 10th 2013 • Issue 183 • Uncyclopedia set to have a bright future. Sunglasses stocks are running low.

Should we be adopting a Russian style approach?

By Anton
Is this the real face behind Uncyclopedia?

A full week has passed since our last edition and the news is piling up, notably the story for which we'd "clear Page One" if we ever had more than one page: This week was just like last week. The only exeption being that more evidence has led certain users to believe that Uncyclopedia is being controlled by a higher power. The evidence is listed here:

  • Firstly, Uncyclopedia's only "openly" Welsh editor has left the site in protest over the obvious racism against her race (are the Welsh a race?) or language, on the part of either us, Britain, or Wikia. Overlooked is the fact that the member is female, a class we proudly discriminate in favor of. Consequently, both Admin Simsilikesims and recently un-permabanned Zana Dark have complained at how the celibate masses at Uncyclopedia are wiping their mouths when either walks by. A higher power has intervened and has tried to assuage the fallen-away member by decreeing that all Uncyclopedia articles must now be written in Welsh (and users must install the Unicode "ancient rune" font page) but to no avail.
  • Also, Funnybony, after 8 Uncyclopedia writing prizes, 44.5 entries in the Hall of Shame (our eighth most prolific ever), and 546 articles, just keeps getting nominated on VFH. We are studying how it is possible that he can't ever write an article that isn't featured. Maybe the votes have been rigged, maybe some users are being brainwashed or perhaps it's just that Funnybony has a lot of sockpuppets.

Warning: This article may be inappropriate for some viewers

By Sir ScottPat

Hurry, hurry! The next round of debates about the content warning have begun. Uncyclopedia is proud to present its third row over what should be written on the content warning. Tickets are available but there are only a limited number of places so please book in advance.

Aleister kicked off with bringing the topic into a conversation with SPIKE on a completely unrelated forum, SPIKE immediatly reacted by calling off play and deciding to move to another pitch as this one was too wet and reminded Aleister that this strategy had been used twice before to no avail.

Undetered Aleister replied by claiming that the first change worked but the second change reverted the content warning to the original and this time we'd get it right. Aleister then preceded to run up the pitch dribbling the ball through the midfielders. ScottPat ran down the wing screaming at Aleister to go for the goal now. Aleister who was about to storm off the pitch thanked ScottPat and continued.

Shabidoo then charged down the other wing hurling attacks at the original content warning defenders who seemed to be non-existant before swearing so much he collapsed into a ball. Startled ScottPat replied that he didn't want top have anything to do with anti-Wikia extremism and Aleister lined up the ball for the shot into goal.

Aleister placed the ball into the back of the net with a vote for the new content warning. ScottPat ran up to him patting him on the back and giving him a "for" followed by Simsie and Puppy. SPIKE then struck back attempting to shoot the ball into the back of the new content warning supporters' net with the opinion that readers don't care about the content warning although he saw that the other team were fierce and wrote to Wikia asking the content warning to be removed as it was no longer needed.

Aleister, Puppy and ScottPat defended against him with three replies while Mhaille ran up the pitch and saw a goal scoring oppurtunity with another content warning proposal however Scottpat was unsure that that oppurtunity would get them the goal that the team were aiming for. Puppy stood with the ball wandering whether to pass it to Mhaille afterall but remained indecisive.

That was a report of the game so far, more to come next week.

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UnSignpost Reviews

"Please stop sending me this newspaper! [It's so good I haven't finished reading the last one for the fifth time!]"

"There's [ine]quality and there's unsatifactory but this is just s[o good I nearly] hit [my head, I laughed so much!]"


Biopic of the Month

ScottPat

ScottPat is an overly zealous and patriotic nutter. He is of the male sex and he is half English, half Scottish and half Manx (person from the Isle of Man). ScottPat resides in Britain and doesn't want to live anywhere else as he prefers the rain and the pessimism.

Things that annoy ScottPat are swearing, foreigners who think Britain is rubbish, republicans (not the American party, the people who don't want a Queen), British people who don't like their own country, Capitalism, Communism and religion. However ScottPat does like Monarchism, patriotism, science, history, politics, English and comedy.

ScottPat's favourite quote is: "Who are you Mr. President?" although he is not a UKIP supporter (he votes Monster Raving Loony every time) and quite likes the EU, it's just that a Brit pissing off a European who thinks he has more authority than the Brit does is funny. ScottPat finds a lot of his comedy in how Britain still thinks that it is the ultimate superpower in the World but no one else does and also in historical European disputes.


Contributions to UnSignpost

Contributors: Anton, ScottPat

Main Editor and Writer: ScottPat

Biopic Contributor: ScottPat


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