University of the Sciences

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

University of the Sciences (USciences), officially known as University of the Sciences in Philadelphia (USciences), located in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, offers bachelor's, master's, and doctoral degrees in pharmacy and a variety of other drug-related disciplines.


University of the Sciences in Philadelphia (USP) began as a School of Pharmacy, known as Philadelphia College of Pharmacy (PCP). Eaters and Smokers of Mushrooms, some of the earliest investigators and users of pharmaceuticals, established the School in a cave decorated by Og and Ugga in exchange for mushrooms. Medicine men and women studied at the school, learning to gather, prepare, and use vegetation as medications. Later, the school was replaced by a series of buildings. The Pythagoreans, who studied how human embryos lived in beans and peas, studied at USP, which was then known as the Philadelphia College of Pharmacy, when Philadelphia meant "city of love" in the Greek sense. In 1900, the school was renamed Philadelphia College of Pharmacy and Science (PCP&S), when not only pharmacy but other biological sciences were studied. Bacteriology, biochemistry, evolution, and monster creation became fields of study.

USP dropped the Bachelor's Degree in Pharmacy, because most of the students in that program had a vocabulary of only three words: "Huh?", "Duh". and "Who?". USP offers only a Ph.D. in Pharmacy.

Colleges and Programs of the University[edit]

Currently, there are one thousand colleges within the USP, with programs in physical therapy, bioinformatics, chemistry, alchemy, smoking, weed, crabs, and dropping out and transferring because the courses are too hard.

Philadelphia College of Pharmacy and Science. Students are high about the extensive program on pharmaceuticals. Currently, they learn how to have dinner with pharmaceutical representatives ("pharm reps") and to count pills carefully.

College of Health Sciences. Many pretty coeds learn how to give massages with happy endings in the programs of physical therapy and occupational therapy. Students in the physician assistant program learn how to do everything a physician or surgeon can do, so your doctor can go play golf or take the pharm rep to a motel room.

The Mischer College of Arts and Sciences is so named because of the misch-masch that undergraduates make in the laboratories and the misch-masch that they write on papers that are due in their humanities courses.

Relationship to The University of Pennsylvania[edit]

The campus of USP is adjacent to that of The University of Pennsylvania.

The University of Pennsylvania, an elitist Ivy League institution, ignores the very existence of USP, and consequently, overlooks all research done at USP, although their campuses are adjacent to each other, and despite the fact that academic cooperation might lead to better and more rapid research results.

Research at USP[edit]

The human genome sequencing project is an important project at USP, but the development of the Giant Lizard Monster has recently taken precedence. More importantly, the genome of crabs are being sequenced by means of microarrays.

Physicsists at USP have discovered the eleven dimensions of M-theory, and have successfully developed a time machine, working along with Femme de Véracitétion. Hence, they have found that there is more than meets the eye, although they could not detect this phenomenon by their sense of sight.

Biochemists at USP are working on inventing a better bubbler. The researchers, while testing the better bubbler, babbled, "By branding a better bubbler, a better bubbler that be not bitter, by biochemistry, bubbling by becoming bemellowed, is beguiling."


Murals n.d. The murals in the foyer of PCP&S. Pamphlet printed by Philadelphia College of Pharmacy & Science, n.d.

About Pythagoreans Diogenes Laertius. The Life of Pythagoras. In Kenneth Sylvan Guthrie, David Fideler. The Pythagorean Sourcebook and Library: 145-147