bat Mitzvah

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Bat Mitzvah (plural Bat Mitzvahs)

  1. A Bat Mitzvah is more like a Jewish unbirthday with a piñata than its male equivalent, the Bar Mitzvah. Party guests hit the papier maché sculpture with a bat, which causes money to spill out on the lawn. For good luck, the Bat Mitzvah girl then prostitutes herself by diving for the bills. Since Mitzvah means good deed, this act of materialistic gymnastics is deemed worthwhile because the Bat Mitzvah girl will no doubt need some skills later in life. Her hopes of snagging a rich hubby are now permanently dashed, as no upstanding Jewish boy would be interested in any girl who wallows in the mud like swine. Bat Mitzvah girls have varied career plans, which include working at Hooters, starring in reality TV shows, wrestling other girls in the mud at decrepit bars in Texas or becoming head writer on any show starring Ellen DeGenères.

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