Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/Press Room/11

A nice ban by Dr. Skullthumper

• 18:42, 27 April 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked I AM GOD (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Zeus called. He wants his title back. Something about missing having an excuse for incest.)

Now that's humour. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:45, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

noted. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:15, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Can I be in the paper this week? It's just I haven't for a while and I'm worried people might forget about me... ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:31 27 April 2009

You could always write an article... --UU - natter 08:01, Apr 28

How To:Scare off Orian... --UU - natter 21:12, Apr 30

Or "Dexter's Sex Life - The Only Thing Both Scientists and Evangelical Christians Agree Doesn't Exist". --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:14, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

delivery

might there be any robots in need of employment? this week's issue is ready for delivery. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:55, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

If not, I'll do it. --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:02, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

And else, I'll do it. How ironic would it be if this issue wouldn't even be delivered? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:08, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

Not as ironic as that one thing. --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 21:11, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

True. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:13, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

And next weeks delivery message will have to be, "THE REAL FIRST ANNIVERSARY EDITION! (cause Dex is stupid)". Hey, I did deliver it, though. --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 23:21, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

An article

I know it's probably a bad idea, but here it goes:

Random User Tries To Come Up With Another Article Since The Editors Don't Seem To Bother

But miserably fails.

Sorry for the epic fail. I'll crawl back in my hole now. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:01, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

well i might have used that if i had seen it before i finished the issue. oh well, thanks anyway. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:58, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Another One

This one is a bit close to vanity, and it might not be wise to bring up Crablogger again, like I did in the last paragraph. Also, feel free to edit this one, especially if you know of other instances of "sexual orientation discrimination". I also may have left the references to the users too vague (they're vague intentionally, but I might have overdone it). --Mnb'z 18:45, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Oppressed Uncyclopedia Users File Class Action Sexual Orientation Discrimination Lawsuit

by Mnbvcxz

Several uncyclopedia members, growing weary of the daily oppression and discrimination they suffer on uncyclopedia are reportedly planning on filing class action lawsuit against the Wikia Foundation. They plan on waiting until H.R. 1913, the Federal Hate Crimes Bill, is signed into law by President Obama. According to anonymous sources, they believe the proposed law will, "make preaching or teaching against sexual perversion a crime, like it is in Europe. At least that's what World Net Daily and Fox Newws is saying."

The users, all of whom have decided to remain anonymous, have produced numerous instances in which uncyclopedia users have been discriminated against. In one instance, an entire forum post was created demonizing a user's sexual orientation. Additionally, the same user received several votes on FSS to ban him based solely on his sexual orientation. Critics of said user have pointed out that the said user voted against another user for being "gay" on the same FFS page.

The user responded by saying, "Well, the situation is totally different. For one, Orian57 is gay. LOL. But seriously, the phrase "X is gay" has two meanings. One is that the person in question is a homosexual, a fact which Orian57 admits and even advertises. The other meaning is a as a generic and juvenile insult. This dual meaning makes the use of such phrase perfectly appropriate on a satire wiki such as this one. However, criticism of my sexual orientation includes no such humor or phrases with duel meanings, and is instead merely hurtful and discriminatory. And on a final note, at least I'm not gay."

In another, more noted instance, another user was virtually chased from the wiki and most of his work has been deleted, on the basis of his sexual orientation. The user, who has been inactive for some time, has been planning on producing a documentary on his fight for justice, called Lawsuit Movie. However, he has expressed severe frustration and disappointment on learning that a certain cartoon squirrel actress he was planning on hiring isn't real. Ok, on further reflection, this would make a better unnews article. --Mnb'z 16:50, 12 May 2009 (UTC)

---

What do you get out of fucking pregnant ladies? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:53 1 May 2009

What do you get out of being gay? --Mnb'z 18:56, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Sexual gratification. But you should be arested for having your penis so close to a developed foetus. It's nearly flashing a child for fuck's sake! I was joking, but actually... I think have a case here... ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:01 1 May 2009

HALP! HALP! I'M BEING REPRESSED! --Mnb'z 19:22, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

But on a more serious note, do you think I should leave the crablogger reference in? It is a bit like bringing up old drama, but, I don't want the entire article to be vanity. --Mnb'z 19:22, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Wow, er... can we keep this one in salt for a future issue, I suspect me and Gerry already have plenty of material for the super-special bumper anniversary issue. --UU - natter 19:24, May 1

I agree with bUUbies in that it should be kept for later. but I don't see anythinga ctually wrong with it, but then I don't know if I remember Crablogger. If he really isn't here though, I doubt he'll mind. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:28 1 May 2009

I remember Crablogger... Ugh!! --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:35, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

He was from the Slappy's Angels "Controversy". --Mnb'z 19:37, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Which consisted of everyone saying, "WTF is wrong with you?!?", his reply of, "It's British humour", then everyone saying, "No. It's fucking disgusting. You ruined The Animainacs for me. Asshat.", and concluded with him saying, "Well, Uncyclopedia is teh s uck." Something like that. --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 19:44, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Got rid of the personal vanityChanged my mind.

Now its about crablogger only, I got the feeling the "other part" was coming across as a bit "creepy" to some readers. --Mnb'z 20:19, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

I'd put back that other bit actually, creepy and self concious is loads better than what reads like an attack. Plus I was in it! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:21 1 May 2009

I restored it. What I'm trying to do is come across as self-depreciating without coming across as too perverted. (Basically, the idea is to make fun of "sexual orientation" discrimination by applying the principle to weird kinks and the like). The self-depreciation is mainly to keep the attackiness low. --Mnb'z 20:32, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Yeah that's what I though, I mean treating a prgnancy fetish as a orientation is kinda funny actually. And any attention for me, is good attention (No really it's funny) so yeah, I think it's good as it is now. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:45 1 May 2009

Any ideas on how I could improve/expand it? --Mnb'z 21:35, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

Tiny suggestion

An image to put in the "From our logs" portion like back in the old days. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:36, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks Sock. I think that section is crammed full enough this week, but the suggestion is appreciated. --UU - natter 11:37, May 7

I got a news report, but...

... it's not from our friends at JNNN TV Anda! How about this: we should make a report about the death of the user groups and Wikiprojects on Uncyclopedia? I'll write a report tomorrow. |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Giratina CUN|IC Kill | 11:22, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Sure, work up an article, and if we like it, it can go in next week's issue. --UU - natter 11:36, May 7

Here we go:

The Day The User Groups Died: How This Once Shining Jewel of Uncyclopedia Becomes a Wasteland of Anarchy

By Joe9320

It had been a year and a half since the usergroup network stopped operating and became extinct. There has been lots of theories about how the usergroups died out. Some say that when Chronarion left Uncyclopedia to focus on another project, he left it to the Wikia staff to do all the patrolling, which caused Uncyclopedia's domain name to be changed in October 2008, and the user groups were left to rot with no activity, like the Hittites did when they destroyed their own city and left. Others say that Unsoc killed off every other usergroups, from the Grue Army to UNATO, and had a monopoly on the usergroups. Whether the theories are true or not, the usergroups had died.

In January 2009, archaeologists from the Philippines came to the ruins and dug up interesting stuff, such as UNATO, the bitter rival of Unsoc. What's more, they found that the shoe sole survivor is Unsoc, the Socialist POS usergroup. Recently, the non-existant Cabal, after looking at a topic about the usergroups, said, 'We have saw what happened to the usergroups. But we didn't do it, as we don't exist. It was Chronarion and Wikia's doing of abandoning the usergroups, which is very popular during mid-2007 to early 2008, which is considered as the "Golden Age of Uncyclopedia". Our theory does not exist, as the Cabal don't exist. Believe in yourselves, we don't care if you believe we exist or not. Make up your own theory.'

The admins denied any comment, but Necropaxx, the current owner of the UNSOC said that they would buy the usergroups. As of now, he still not even buying one. That greedy fucker.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Joe9320 is a famed reporter who works in Uncyclopedia as the Australian correspondant in UnNews and a famous article writer. He likes Goa Tse and is the Emperor of the Filipino Empire. You can contact him at his talk page for questions relating to this report and help on anything, or you just want to talk to him.

|Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Giratina CUN|IC Kill | 11:29, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

NOTE: I already finished the news report. I would reporduce it for JNNN TV Anda later. You can decide on if you can leave it in the backburner, or use it for the next one. |Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Giratina CUN|IC Kill | 01:18, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Delivery

Dexter mysteriously disappeared so shall I hand deliver it again? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:27, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

if you would be so kind, that would be excellent. it's almost finished, i'll give you the go-ahead when it's ready to go. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 15:29, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Good work on The 1-year post

Everyone who worked on it did a great job. I really enjoyed the entire article. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 00:20, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks man, nice of you to say! --UU - natter 09:54, May 8

I would also like to offer my thanks and congrats from everyone at the Illogiblog. -- Hindleyite Converse 13:22, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

And I'll respond by saying that it's good to see on said blog that THE is an admin somewhere. --UU - natter 13:29, May 8

A nice report from me!

What do you think of this? Will you put it in the next issue? Or will you leave it for another one? You decide, or you will be overthrown by our people, the Giratinatonese:
The Day The User Groups Died: How This Once Shining Jewel of Uncyclopedia Becomes a Wasteland of Anarchy

By Joe9320

It had been a year and a half since the usergroup network stopped operating and became extinct. There has been lots of theories about how the usergroups died out. Some say that when Chronarion left Uncyclopedia to focus on another project, he left it to the Wikia staff to do all the patrolling, which caused Uncyclopedia's domain name to be changed in October 2008, and the user groups were left to rot with no activity, like the Hittites did when they destroyed their own city and left. Others say that Unsoc killed off every other usergroups, from the Grue Army to UNATO, and had a monopoly on the usergroups. Whether the theories are true or not, the usergroups had died.

In January 2009, archaeologists from the Philippines came to the ruins and dug up interesting stuff, such as UNATO, the bitter rival of Unsoc. What's more, they found that the shoe sole survivor is Unsoc, the Socialist POS usergroup. Recently, the non-existant Cabal, after looking at a topic about the usergroups, said, 'We have saw what happened to the usergroups. But we didn't do it, as we don't exist. It was Chronarion and Wikia's doing of abandoning the usergroups, which is very popular during mid-2007 to early 2008, which is considered as the "Golden Age of Uncyclopedia". Our theory does not exist, as the Cabal don't exist. Believe in yourselves, we don't care if you believe we exist or not. Make up your own theory.'

The admins denied any comment, but Necropaxx, the current owner of the UNSOC said that they would buy the usergroups. As of now, he still not even buying one. That greedy fucker.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Joe9320 is a famed reporter who works in Uncyclopedia as the Australian correspondant in UnNews and a famous article writer. He likes Goa Tse and is the Emperor of the Filipino Empire. You can contact him at his talk page for questions relating to this report and help on anything, or you just want to talk to him.

|Si Plebius Dato' (Sir) Joe ang Giratina CUN|IC Kill | 10:04, 12 May 2009 (UTC)

It's been spotted, and may well be used in some form or other. Interestingly though, you appear not to recognise PEEING as a usergroup. What are we, chopped liver? --UU - natter 10:08, May 12

Oi, UU, come back to my talk page, I've got comments and bad spelling for you to look at. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 10:10 12 May 2009

Some users think of PEEING as an "official" part of uncyclopedia. This is probably because its close relationship with Pee Review, and the fact that it does useful work. When I think "usergroup", I normally think of Yettie's Moo Cow cult or something of that nature. --Mnb'z 16:57, 12 May 2009 (UTC)

Cajek Appearance of the Week/Month

Cajek updated the ban count template on his userpage and quickly disappeared after that. Maybe we can have a bit of text about this in one of those boxes on the right. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:09, 14 May 2009 (UTC)

thanks, socky! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:58, 14 May 2009 (UTC)

delivery again

this week's issue is hot off the presses. any willing robots or bored humans? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:58, 14 May 2009 (UTC)

I completely forgot about this. I'll deliver it straight away! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:37, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

It is done. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:01, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

A biopic on me???

I feel so special! And right next to the Jimbo Wales interview, too! This is going on mommy's fridge! You guys must really be scraping the bottom of the barrel... Colin ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 20:25, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

congrats colin! ask and ye shall receive! (eventually!) SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 06:55, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

Funny from ban patrol

20:27, 16 May 2009, Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.46.52.10 (Talk) (infinite, anon. only, account creation blocked) (Please end your life right now. Go take one of your father's guns, load it, put it in your mouth, and pull the trigger.)

Lol. Saberwolf116 20:45, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

[1] - More more more! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 20:52, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

Oh, dear. -- Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER 20:54, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

You're really on a roll today -- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!)

K, so I was thinking...

...that if I were to start my own op-ed column, it would be something along the lines of what follows. What follows is the first column. So yeah.

Guildy Opines

Due in part to my ability to write featured articles at a break-neck speed, and in part to my new usergroup, I have become something of a celebrity in these parts. Because of my new-found celebrity status, I have earned the right to do something all celebrities do—opine on things that have no right opining on. Enter: my new column.

In “Guidly Opines,” I’ll be sharing my opinion on bullshit you probably don’t care about, but should care about, because I am better than you, and therefore should also care about these things.

So. There.

For my first column, I would like to talk about a subject that’s near and dear to my heart—the band Mastodon, and their new album “Crack the Skye.” More specifically, I would like to talk about how awesome this album is. Seriously. If you haven’t heard/bought this album, get off your computer and do it now, because it’s fucking fantastic. Don’t give me the whole “Progressive Sludge Metal really isn’t my thing…” spiel, I’ve heard it all before. Just do it.

Also, the album has a picture of an astral bear on the cover. Nothing is more badass than an astral bear. Nothing. So what are you waiting for?

[End of column]

So, let me...

...know what you UnSignpost people think. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:52, 23 May 2009 (UTC)

Mastodon, huh? I vaguely remember reading that word someplace else today... Back on subject, this isn't really what the UnSignpost is for. The UnSignpost should normally be about something happening in Uncyclopedia. Now, I won't straight out reject this idea, maybe in a slightly altered form it might be workable. But UU will have to be the judge of that. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:40, 23 May 2009 (UTC)

I see. I was mostly trying to "spoof" the whole idea of an op-ed section, but yeah. If it's not suitable I totally understand. Mastodon is still awesome, though. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:58, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Well, it's not a bad idea, but UU'll have to decide what we're gonna do with it. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:35, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

We're not a place for advertisements for real things, or for columns that are trying to be serious.   Le Cejak • <14:42 May 24, 2009>

Oh, c'mon guildy, who wants to read about an obscure prog band.. Write about Nile, people wont complain. :P Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 17:16 May 24 '09

Mastodon's not obscure, they played on Letterman just last week. Also, Nile sucks, in my opinion. It's like, wow, could you guys play with any less musicality? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:31, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

Mastodon is new wave of american prog mainstream shit, which is just shit. Nile is an underground Technical death metal band, their music owns anything else in complexity so yea, less musicality my ass Colour Sig For Make Mahm00shA Look Cool 06:17 May 26 '09

In any event, don't run this if you don't wish to, UnSignpost people, because it really isn't that big a deal. So yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:33, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

I'm with Cajek on this one Guildy - while I'm always grateful for any input to the UnSignpost, I'd prefer it to be kinda Uncyc-y in some way. A recruiting advert for your new usergroup? Cool. An ad for an album? Less cool. (Besides, the Wildhearts are going to have a new album out later this year, so all other albums will suck by comparison. Sorry, that's just how it is(. --UU - natter 20:37, May 25

Yeah, no big deal, like I said. Although the column would basically be me opining on stuff, not just advertising new albums. Although Dream Theather just put something out (listening to it right now), and it's pretty awesome, so yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:05, 25 May 2009 (UTC)