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Olivia Newton-John
Her Holiness Saint Olivia Newton-John (26 September 1948 – 8 August 2022) was a British–Australian singer, songwriter, actress, entrepreneur, and activist. She was the Queen of Grease, having inherited the throne from her father Isaac Newton. She was made a saint by the last Pope, Zeus, despite not being a) dead b) a Catholic, c) over 4ft7. Newton-John is also secretly actually Terpsichore, Apollo's cat who is one of the Nine Muses of Olympus. She has been a longtime activist for environmental and animal rights issues, and also had a part in launching the Koala Blue line of koala plushies and co-owning the Gaia Online Retreat & Spa in Australia. She is not to be confused with Olivia Mutant-John, her evil twin and 73rd Antichrist (after Chris de Burgh), or Olivia Neutron-Bomb, a missing triplet.
UNITED STATES - Musk dares Agrawal to mud-wrestle
By Spike
TEXAS -- Elon Musk has challenged Parag Agrawal to a best-of-three mud-wrestling bout to settle the controversy about how many Twitter accounts are fake.
Twitter sued to compel Musk to finish buying Twitter at the lofty original price, but Musk counter-sued, demanding that Twitter make disclosures that would damage the value of his imminent new investment. Musk now seeks to move the controversy to a pool of mud with a charismatic announcer in a tuxedo.
ENGLAND - Americans retire Al-Qaeda leader
By Romartus
Afghanistan -- The American military has killed Al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri, who only just moved to Kabul after spending the last twenty years inside a cave in Pakistan.
The news was announced by the equally frail-looking Joe Biden through three N95 surgical masks, without saying anything important or having his eyes blink.
AUSTRALIA - Australia finally gets another mass shooting
By OnePunch
Queensland -- Ending an agonising wait, Australia experienced its eighth mass shooting in history, which left three people dead.
Australia remains on top of the leader board of the 2022 Commonwealth Games. Bloody massacres will be a medal sport in the 2022 Olympic games, but the rules have not been nailed down since its introduction as a demonstration sport in 1872.
Holidays and Breaks
By OnePunch
Admin Dark Web, White Hat continues to be on holiday, while OculusWild continues to pop in and out despite saying that he was leaving for a bit. OnePunch also disappeared for a few days with no answer as to why, but he returned after Spike asked him to improve on his Nonce words article, as well as writing two new UnNews — one about Australia, and the other on Weezer... who would have guessed?
As is the deal here on Uncyclopedia(.com), we do not pay contributors. This means that there is no paid leave, so why are all these editors leaving if they aren't being paid for it? Let alone, why do people even start writing on here in the first place?
Anyway, have fun writing and remember to be funny and not just stupid.
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