UnSignpost:UnSignpost/20220501
Barcode
The barcode is the universal etiquette required of patrons of bars, pubs, and taverns around the globe. It is a truth universally acknowledged by alcoholics that their fellow customers have explicitly shaken off conventional notions of good behavior on crossing the threshold, and can no longer expect to be treated in accordance with the accepted norms of human interaction. With societal standards of behaviour abandoned, businesses often attempt to impose some of their own. These are followed primarily in the breach — and never in the lavatories.
Barcodes are promulgated in Commonwealth countries by Licensed Victuallers Associations and, in the United States, by the hyperactive Center for Disease Control. If we simply followed their Guidance, no one would stagger out of a bar and fall over onto the pavement, probably, and certainly not without an audience. Vomiting without a witness to repeat the mantra: "Better out than in" is discouraged. Under no circumstances should anyone provoke a fight without a wife/girlfriend to hold them back on the grounds that "'Es not worth it."
Elon Musk to buy Mars
By Romartus
HOUSTON -- Multi-multi-multi-billionaire Elon Musk wants to buy Mars from NASA in time for a planet-sized tax evasion strategy.
"I am going to be the Founding Father of a New Civilization. I want to own that place, create my own regime and not pay anyone a single cent, penny or clipped toenail in taxes. Mars will be mine!"
Zuckerberg to buy Musk
By Spike
SAN FRANCISCO -- Billionaire Mark Zuckerberg has announced that he intends to buy Elon Musk.
Musk recently acquired mega-giant Twitter to wean it from left-wing editorial tendencies. Zuckerberg, the owner of giga-giant Facebook, will presumably wean Musk from his right-wing objections to left-wing tendencies.
Kidnapping?
By OnePunch
New user AlphaBeta906 is only two days old and has already been adopted by Admin Romartus; after failing to resurrect Anton199. There is no active Police investigation into the matter, even after a comedic made-up source revealed that the Brit may not be allowed within 100m of schools. Rather or not AlphaBeta will be seen alive again is yet to be seen, but this may all be a misunderstanding cause he might just be taking a quick nap (that is if he is a kid, of course).
Votes for Honours
The articles you can/should/could/won't vote for (or against) include;
- HowTo:Assassinate John Lennon — last chance to vote! So you better do it!
- UnPoetia:The Catwoman in the Hat
- Kashmir
- Concision
- UnNews:Bad karaoke costs boys their vocal cords — also last chance to vote (but Spike already has enough Features, so vote for the John Lennon one)
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