UnPoetia:The Great HowTo

Poetry for people who hate poetry

I know a man, who's greater than
The likes of you and me.
His existence spans, from the dawn of man,
All throughout history.

Many a page he's occupied
With advice for those who're blue.
If you're hung up, just look him up.
His name: The Great HowTo.

The Great HowTo has been around
Far longer than you know.
With topics that are most bizarre,
And some all people know.

His mastery in his craft is
Unmatched, to say the least.
He's taught us how to attract our mates,
And how to cross the street.

His infinite knowledge has shown us how
To fuck other articles up,
And somehow, he's managed to teach all you n00bs
How to find out what women want.

He's a man that I greatly admire.
He taught my son how to fly.
His existence is unknown to most men,
And my friends, I'll tell you why.

The Great HowTo is not the most
Respected of the bunch.
When it comes to article quality,
The rest beat him in a punch.

He is a bit misunderstood,
This master instructor,
And some hold it against him,
When he's up for an award.

I'm not surprised, but please don't criticize
This master of spoken word.
He taught me how to dot my i's,
And to kill those pesky birds.

Please give him just another chance,
Or two, or maybe four.
But if not, do not be surprised,
If I come knocking at your door.

For he deserves praise more
Than anybody in the world.
For the magnificent job he's done
Protecting boys and girls.

So you see, he isn't all that bad,
And only thinking of you.
So next time you're in trouble, who will you call on the double?
None other than The Great HowTo.