UnNews:Winter Canceled to Save on Warming and Cooling Costs.

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Democracy Dies with Dignity ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 15:35:59 (UTC)
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2 November 2008

Bush Cancels Winter To Save on Global Warming Costs[edit]

-Washington D.C.

George W. Bush, our beloved leader, has announced that due to economic problems and general government bankruptcy, winter will be canceled for the 2008-2009 timeslot. "Well you see, we just didn't have the money to pay for the cooling, the snow machines or the fans." said the Secretary of Homeland Seasons. He went on to explain that this lack of funds is being caused by, "all that money we spent on halloween candy for those cute rascals AIG and Merryll Lynch." He also explained that projected cooling costs for this year were higher than any previous year due to the highest pressure differential between summer and winter ever.

After talking for roughly an hour and a half about the projected costs of cooling and the "cuteness" of those CEOs the president added a brief statement about how the lack of winter would, "maybe, like kinda, lower heating bills and stuff."

The only group to come out and speak against the cancellation of winter are the Canadians and Sarah Palin, the second most original maverick and true Mrs. USA, who claimed that the lack of winter would confuse the, "meese or moose... Those animals I like to shoot." and make them harder to track and shoot as well as decrease the quality, quantity and flavoring of their blood. However, regardless of Palin's dissagreement, multiple European governments including France, Zaire, Luxembourg and Siberia have agreed to support the president's proposal.

Finally, in accordance with the cancellation of winter, president Bush has decided to add another 23 hours to daylight savings time starting at 1:00 am on Tuesday the fourth.

On a completely unrelated note, Ralph Nader and Al Gore were seen jumping up and down, dancing and screaming about some "proof" they had found of global warming.

Sources[edit]

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