UnNews:Undead FDR poised to win Election 2008

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Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard ✪ UnNews ✪ Thursday, November 21, 2024, 14:28:59 (UTC)
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17 June 2008

Arlington National Cemetery Sources close to the Franklin D. Roosevelt Memorial Election Committee have leaked that Undead Franklin D. Roosevelt will run for the United States general election in 2008. It has been revealed recently that Undead FDR has switched to the newly formed Zombie Party, and he will be helming the party's bid for the White House.

The general sentiment has been positive.Dick Clark has said that "The state of the government has come to the point where the only option is to vote for Undead FDR, so as to make our votes a sign against Washington's inefficiency." When questioned about the fact that he was being biased against the living because he was an Undead cyborg fiend, he stated that " George Bush's policies have effectively killed most people in the world, so I think I speak for the world when I say we need a more zombie sympathetic president. What better than have the undead corpse of FDR take the seat?" He later reiterated that "Id rather vote for a pile of ash than vote for George Walker Bush's older, shorter clone."

The Zombie Defense League has stepped up its anti-UnDead rhetoric stating that "We have boomsticks, they are loud, and we will defend the right of zombies to own them, by killing them." Criticisms have been voiced surrounding the health of Undead FDR. While he was alive, FDR had polio, which all but destroyed his ability to walk. Now in death, his lust for flesh combined with his pre-existant health issues may invalidate him from proper decision making. Popular responses include the fact that Barack Obama is too young and inexperienced and John McCain is too old and experienced, to be president , thus only Undead FDR is fit for the presidency.

With the contentious election ahead of us, the challenge becomes complicated for those left alive with the news of a new contender for the White House.

Sources[edit]

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