UnNews:Trig mourns grandmommy's loss

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Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

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UnNews

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Saturday, December 21, 2024, 18:51:59 (UTC)

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21 August 2009

"I'm not a public figure, but my grandmommy has no legal muscle, so satire sites can make fun of me as much as they want. Wahhhhh!", says lawyerless Baby Trig, who's picture is shown because he's helpless to stop us.

In sight of Russia, Alaska - Trig Palin, Down's Syndrome grandchild of Sarah Palin, an ex-governor and an ex-candidate, mourns his grandmother's loss in the 2008 Presidential elections. He is under the strong impression that his life and reputation would have been immeasurably better had she won.

Internationally known White House worker is glad he/she has legal muscle to dodge criticism, crudity and satire. "I'm glad I'm not a retarded baby", he/she says. Picture blacked out, as he/she has attorneys.

A special machine has been devised to translate baby Trig's rudimentary thoughts into coherent and mature language, and this is what he had to say: "I see that when one is in the White House, that even if you're a public figure, no one can make fun of you because you are powerful enough to threaten legal action for any satire you don't like. But if you are a retarded baby like me, who's never run for any office, or held any public position, it's okay for others to say sick and crude things about you, because my grandmother doesn't have the legal muscle to make them stop. Now change me, please, I think I just shat myself."

Legal sources agreed. "Too often, supposedly fearless and courageous satirical news outlets will back off in the face of a legal challenge, even if it's one they could technically win.", said Johnny Cochran. "Which makes sense, really, especially as no one particular article is truly worth getting hassled over. But sad to say, they do the opposite, as well, and publish defamatory articles with no merit, about figures that fail to meet any reasonable standard of being a public figure, simply because those small and defenseless ones have no adequate legal voice."

Thus the spectacle of internationally known government employees being immune from sarcasm, satire and crudity, while retarded babies of has been non-entities are thoroughly trashed is common. And even paraded as appropriate.

This reporter certainly would agree with taking down crude and defamatory articles of gray area public figures. But certainly agrees with baby Trig that if government employees are worthy of such consideration, small babies who've done no wrong should also be protected.

Sources

• Staff "Trig Palin". Uncyclopedia, 2009