UnNews:Speeding Cyclists Go On Rampage
| A newsstand that's brimming with issues | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Saturday, November 23, 2024, 11:54:59 (UTC) |
| Speeding Cyclists Go On Rampage | 
|
7 April 2009
Today, during the 2009 Los Angeles Marathon Bike Race, the cyclists got cut-off in traffic by some asshole, causing them to go on a crazed rampage, running over dogs, old ladies, and destroying people's property in a fit of road rage.
“They came out of nowhere, killing everybody, burning everything, and the motherfuckers scratched my car!”
They rampaged for a total of 2 hours, until they finished the marathon race, after which they were promptly awarded medals for "Most Destructive Marathon Cyclist". How the hosts knew ahead of time to make these medals is unknown.
The police showed up on the scene and cheered for the cyclists. When asked why they were not making an arrest, they said:
“Are you kidding? This is the most excitement I've had all week! And it was a lousy dog, anyway.”