UnNews:President calls for end to marriages
"Someone get me the number of that Hilton chick," says President.
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Sunday, December 22, 2024, 08:19:59 (UTC) |
| President calls for end to marriages | 
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3 June 2006
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American President George Bush has made demands that all current marriages be brought to an end, and that no more should be unionised, asking for a constitutional ammendment.
The president made the calls on his weekly drivetime breakfast radio show, during the "Focus On - Issues concerning YOU!" part of the show, calling Marriage an unjust part of society. Mr. Bush has not shown Utopian nor Liberal tendencies before. He then turned his focus onto a "Load of scavangers coming in from Mexico."
Analysts widely believe this to be a shallow tatic, mainly on increasing popularity with voters. Mr. Bush claimed that around 69% of Americans were against marriage and some didn't even know what it was. In the words of one interviewee:
“We don't bother with marriage. I mean come on, it's such a waste of time, and you are so restricted. I prefer to just dive right in.”
The Democrat party has called the announcement a waste of time and a method to divert people from the problems caused by the invasion of New Lousiana (Formerly known as iRaq). One even went on to describe Mr. Bush as a "God-Damned Hippy causing all sorts of trouble!"
The requests come as pressure continues to grow in courtrooms across the US as Divorcee sues Divorcee for such practical reasons as:
- Waste of time - marriage just got in the way of the relationship, which lasted for a week.
- Emotional Trauma, Stress etc.
- Financial Problems - sacrificing career for marriage, which could easily have been avoided.
Others, pundits, academics et al. are fiercely debating marriage, its neccesity, the praticality and the symbolism it upholds.
However, Mr. Bushs' legislation is unlikely to pass as Conservative elements, strong through the Democrat party, declared in a joint statement: "God hates Fags!"