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UnNews ATBF Column - Do not feature this article!

I know you want to, but just don't. There's no point to it. It's a waste of bits, a pathetic attempt by the author to garner praise and adulation for his questionable "talent" as a writer. You'll only encourage him to write more, and if there's one thing we don't need around Uncyclopedia, it's any more of that.

Send a message to this dick. Tell him his idea of humor is slightly more evolved than belch language. Oh, sure, he throws in the occasional thesaurus-derived phrase in to make us think, "oh isn't he just so erudite!". Don't fall for any of it.

Fine. If you're going to keep reading, I may as well keep writing. more...