UnNews:New Coca-Cola ads confront the issue of obesity

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15 January 2013

Diet Coke with Bacon

Atlanta, Georgia -- American soda manufacture Coca-cola has begun a new ad campaign to tackle what is calls, “complex challenge of obesity.” In recent years, manufacturers of soda have come under criticism for contributing to the American obesity epidemic.

The new adverting campaign will highlight Coca-cola's diet brands. Using the slogan, "Drink a diet, you fat bastard!" the ad campaign will attempt to introduce diet soda as possible low calorie alternative to regular soda. A spokesman for the company said, "For some reason, people blame their obesity on excessive soda drinking. As you are probably aware, soda consists mainly of sugar water. We assumed that obese consumers would choose from our wide selection of diet brands. Unfortunately, recent scientific studies reveal that obese people tend to make poor dietary choices. This should seem obvious, and we obviously expected obese Americans to choose unhealthy foods when no reasonable healthy alternative existed. However, we were shocked to learn that obese people choose to drink regular soda despite the fact that diet soda is almost the same. Our new advertising campaign will seek to change that."

He continued, "The campaign will feature an anthropomorphic can of Diet Coke, called Diety. In our ads, Diety will appear whenever an overweight or obese person attempts to purchase regular soda, and convince them of the benefits of diet soda. Below is a transcript of an ad, cosponsored with McDonald's, that we intend to premiere this evening:

(Scene opens at McDonald's)

Cashier: Hi, welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order

Phat American: Less, I'd like a double-quarter pounder meal, large, with a regular coke

(Diety suddenly appears)

Diety: Why don't you order a diet coke instead?

Phat American: Because diet soda is for women

Diety: Did you know that a regular soda contains more calories than an apple pie or regular cheeseburger?

Phat American: So?

Diety: Well, if you drank a diet, you would have room for a cheeseburger on top of your double-quarter pounder and a large fry

Phat American: So, your saying, I should choose another cheeseburger over a regular coke?

Diety: That's right. Would you rather eat a cheeseburger that a real American, or drink some sugar-water.

Phat: American: You know what, change the drink to a diet, and add a cheeseburger to that.

(Scene fads out)

Diety: Remember, if you drink diet coke instead of regular cola, you can use those saved calories to eat cheeseburgers, bacon, pre-packaged snake-cakes, and other delicious American foods. So drink a diet, you fat bastard!

Despite dealing honestly with the issue of obesity, some have suggested that the ad campaign merely shifts the blame for obesity without offering any constructive help. However, Coca-cola dismissed such criticisms, "Obviously, we would prefer that all people make wise nutritional choices. However, obese people aren't going to change their ways: that is why they are obese. Instead, we are promoting a less ambitious, but more reasonable option. If the obese choose to drink diet soda and make up the calorie difference other junk-food, they will be just as obese, but would have the enjoyment of eating even more food."