UnNews:Kim Jong Un on successful diet
| Straight talk, from straight faces | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 20:07:59 (UTC) |
| Kim Jong Un on successful diet | 
|
5 July 2016
PYONGYANG, North Korea -- The Democraptic Republic of North Korea has responded angrily to the "warmonger lie factory" accounts that the Dear Leader has gained weight since assuming power the care of the resilient, self-reliant and of course fanatically loyal people in his country. "Our Dear Leader has just yesterday lost 27 grams when he dropped his glasses in delight while reading a report of the 8000% increase in agricultural production that has sent the DPRK to the top of the world ranking in the annual "Place That Have Best Food Supply". This is pro-rated from the diet of the Dear Leader and a few close associates who have managed to avoid becoming traitors to the DPRK.
To show the falsehoods about obesity creeping up on the Dear Leader, several missiles have been launched, one of which actually worked, proving beyond doubt that North Korea could annihilate every country on earth while still raising industrial output by 9000%.
Even worse are the fantasies being spread that the Dear Leader is worried about assassination. How could one so beloved of his people have any concern whatever in this regard. Why if anyone is even suspected of not being ready to stand between the Dear Leader and an anti-aircraft shell at any time, such a person must stand between an anti-aircraft shell and something else. Insomnia? Rubbish. The Dear Leader stays awake thinking up amazing new inventions that make the world a better place. The Dear Leader does not need to sleep. You just wait, foul, pea-brained, perfidious, lascivious, boot-licking, snotnosed, balding... yes, balding - just look at Dear Leader's hair. You will all have hairdo like this. Now!
Sources[edit]
- Elizabeth Shim "Kim Jong Un has gained 90 pounds since assuming power". UPI News, July 01, 2016