UnNews:Glasgow pigeons hardest in Europe
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-minute misinformation. |
Glasgow, Scotland, It has emerged that Glasgow pigeons are the most battle hungry of their kind in Europe. Many of the bird seem to be keener to dive bomb pedestrians than to scavenge he detritus in the streets, they are also known hold their ground against the residents of the impoverished, but highly appealing northern Scottish city.
No other pigeons are apparently as aggressive according to tests by the Uncyclopedia news team; this is particularly significant as it means that these pigeons present the most antisocial of their kind in the world today, at least in Europe.
The RSPCA has commented that they have grave concerns about the birds that appear to be ‘up for a good fight and a wee smoko afterwards.’ Timothy Phoenix of the RSCPA commented that “It’s as if these pigeons have some kind of death wish, its like ‘come on then’ when pedestrians come their way.”
| “ | It's like something out of Hitchcock... | ” |
Often students and other weirdos/detritus of society are walking by Buchanan bus station and they are confronted by the birds that will fly in face and make mocking cooing noises at the tramps. This has been described by the council as indicative of the problem in Glasgow.
The council has now doubled its intake of cocaine snorting to find a solution to the problem; however they have mostly been the victims of extortion by the gangs and so far the pigeons continue their rampage of anti-social behaviour.
| “ | Ya fuckin' bam pigeon! | ” |
Animal behaviourists from the South East of England have hypothesized that this behaviour is either Heroin or the guilt of being benefits cheats (apparently the entire population of Glasgow does this anyway) or a combination of the two. Or Buckfast.
It remains unclear as to the long term effects of such vile fowl in the city centre, as no one dares go near the centre, particularly nerdy scientists.