Bank Letter

John Doe - or as you seem to know me 11213232

123 Layabout Street
Glasgow
Scotland
United Kingdom
G55 F22
Telephone: (0141) 888888

December 30 2024

R.E: Letter to the 'Brutal Machine'

Dear Fucktards,

Yeah that got your attention... I have received your letter and the message of threat is very clear, and I'm under no illusion that you’re quite happy to lord it over from your defunct business. I was not feeling so great, so yeah, thanks for your 'helpful letter' informing me of my dodgy finances.

Please inform the manager that I'll be visiting the bank later/sometime this week to confirm that I have no additional funds to rectify the situation which to be fair, and I'm sure you will agree, we have both created.

I understand that we've had our differences, but seriously I think we should try and consolidate what little we have, certainly I have been reckless with my money. I suppose I should not have spent the money, but at the end of the day you gave me the overdraft, so you have some hand in all this.

But look, here's an idea, let’s put that behind us, clean break so to speak, let's admit we've made mistakes and we'll aim not to do them in the future. I think the Orwellian regime you banks run is an offensive to free thinking minds everywhere. As a gesture of my good will, I will put this behind me, I hope you can be big enough to do the same.

Why not bail out the little guy for a change, and put aside these senseless charges and veiled threats which have blighted my life. I'm sure my view is reflected by the majority of your customers. Frankly I'm a little tired of your 'guilt trips'.

Look I'm the ugly side of capitalism, not the one you read about in the FT over your digestives you fat cunts. I'm sorry, but you've been unreasonable about this, I'm doing my best, and I've tried to get a job, but I'm just not cut out for it, and besides most employers just don't dig my alternative vibe.

Yours sincerely,

John Doe