UnNews:Gay Marriage Responsible for Global Warming
| We have met the enemy, and he is us | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, November 21, 2024, 14:39:59 (UTC) |
| Gay Marriage Responsible for Global Warming | 
|
9 June 2006
 |
UnNews Audio (file info) |
| Listen to this story! | |
Problems playing this file? You might be a dope. |
|
LYNCHBURG, VA (Fox News) -- Top scientists from the prestigious Theological Physics Department of Liberty University today announced findings that identify gay marriage as the single largest contributing factor to global warming.
"The indications are all there," University Weatherologist Dr. Theobald Arquente D.D. told UnNews. "The recent increase in the number of gay marriages has caused the Homosphere's... uhhh, entropic density to expand, which probably... reversed the... uh, polarity of the, uh, neutron flow, leading to a dramatic increase in temperature."
"It's all terribly scientific and complicated, but it clearly shows that gay marriage is the main cause of global warming."
The University's Probability and Prophecy department predicts that if the number of gay marriages continues to increase at the current rate, there will be an average of 5 gay marriages per person, by the year 2026.
"By that time, the atmosphere will no longer be able to withstand the weight of the Homosphere, and the Earth will be crushed... probably into a black hole or something," Dr. Arquente added.
Although the full report is not yet available, University scientists are confident of their preliminary findings.
"Of course, it is just a theory, like evolution or intelligent design, so there is some speculation involved," Dr. Arquente said in conclusion, "But we did spend many hours of exhaustive research -- by which I mean prayer, and used lots of scientific words... Plus, I mean, just look at the chart. It doesn't get much clearer than that."
Sources[edit]
- It's Not Okay to be Gay, The Bible, Leviticus 18:22-20:13
- Are You Going to Eat That?, The Bible, Leviticus 7:27-11:42
- What Not to Wear, The Bible, Deuteronomy 22:11
- God is Going to Get You, The Bible, Leviticus 26:22, Deuteronomy 28:15-63