UnNews:England to Sue France for Arrows Wasted At Agincourt

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25 October 2008

The Battle of Agincourt, pictured near the start of the conflict as there are still French soldiers facing the English.

London: the British government announced today they are launching a claim for compensation against France for expenses which they incurred at the Battle of Agincourt, 593 years ago.

The Battle of Agincourt was a key military engagement during the Hundred Years War in which an English Army of 5000 led by Laurence Olivier successfully defeated a numerically superior French force. Again.[1]

Now, historians have worked out that the French engaged in underhand tactics at the Battle which contravene the Geneva convention on war crimes. Said some guy, a government official:

We have identified a number of contraventions of the Geneva convention that were committed that day by the French, for which we the British Government will be seeking compensation. These include:
  • Not running away fast enough, thereby causing our archers to use up more arrows than necessary;
  • Eating copious amounts of garlic for breakfast, in the hope that they would put off the English with their bad breath (which also contravenes the convention on using poison gas);
  • Attempting to demoralise the English by playing offensive accordion music, as well as Carla Bruni's new CD at top volume;
  • Turning up in the first place."

Asked if he thought that French courtrooms would be a tough place for English lawyers, the spokesman:

"If the case doesn't appear to be going our way, we will disrupt proceedings by letting off a firework. Once they hear a loud bang the French will give in immediately."