UnNews:Earth gobbles up 12 homes, officials search for culprits

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We have met the enemy, and he is us UnNews Wednesday, September 27, 2023, 05:40:59 (UTC)

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10 July 2023

Two firefighters and a homeowner marvel at the total lack of apparent damage to a home rendered unlivable by Saturday's landslide.

LOS ANGELES, California -- The earth swallowed up twelve homes on Saturday in the Rancho Palos Verdes neighborhood of Los Angeles, and city officials are scrambling to identify whom to blame.

The area is in the Portuguese Bend Landslide Complex, where the land routinely bends, resulting in landslides. Portugal itself does not seem to have any connection. Saturday's event began when a homeowner called the Fire Department to report a water leak. It was quickly discovered that the mains had taken one giant step in the direction of Portugal. The reason neighbors were given only twenty minutes to gather make-up and crack pipes and get the Hell away before Hell literally broke loose, is that investigators would have to be paid time-and-a-half. In addition, County Supervisor Janice Hahn explained that a last-minute, Perils-of-Pauline-type rescue could more easily be turned into a full-length feature film.

Crenshaw Avenue was extended in 1956, which officials say exacerbated the problem — not that the earth gave a damn, but now there was more asphalt to crack and crumble. The arrival of squatters, heavy vehicles delivering them county services, and more recently, DoorDash, have given the earth's crust a further pounding, which it has now repaid in spades.

Breitbart reports that "Sixteen people were affected by the landslide, including several distraught homeowners." UnNews Senior Editors are searching for homeowners who are not distraught about the total destruction of their homes, in order to interview them as soon as they become lucid.