UnNews:Duchess of Cambridge will give birth to a human child: A nation celebrates

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14 January 2013

Kate will not experience this.

LONDON, United Kingdom --

Officials at Buckingham Palace have confirmed that Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge will have her baby in July 2013. Anxious officials in charge of the Royal bedchamber said that after extensive tests, Princess Kate will be 'popping her sprog' in seven months time.

Since her recent visit to King Edward VII's hospital to be treated for acute nausea from watching too much X Factor on TV, Kate's medical condition has gripped a nation. Her medical condition supplied hours of pointless news coverage until it was confirmed that the royal princess was in the bun club. Now doctors have confirmed Kate will become a mum. This will give endless weeks for joy for the serious press like Hello OK, People, Paris Match etc. Even The Economist will cover the story, if only to emphasise the financial stress Britain will go through to have another royal to support.

One of the royal gynaecologists involved in the medical drama in deciding Kate was carrying a human baby said this behind a drawn curtain.

"It's fantastic news! Yes Kate, our lovely princess is going to have her baby in July!! It is amazing how she got pregnant without any outside assistance - except that supplied by Prince William in prolonging the Windsor family. It shows she is a human being. We were at first nervous that Kate was carrying something else...a horse, a corgi, rabbits, newts, that wriggly maggot in the film The Fly or Sigourney Weaver's aliens. Now we can confirm it will be human."

Already people are speculating what the baby will be called. If it is a boy it is likely to be called Prince Michael Jackson and if a girl, Lady Gaga. What ever springs out, the baby will inherit her parents looks, a pension for life and the chance of first class tickets to watch the Rolling Stones when they tour next.


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