UnNews:Cuomo calls gun violence the next Covid

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Fake News that's honestly fake UnNews Monday, September 27, 2021, 07:37:59 (UTC)

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7 July 2021

Gov. Cuomo (seated; unmasked) signs the emergency proclamation that also makes him Leader for Life and obviates the 2022 election, which could have spread the infection further.

ALBANY, New York -- New York Governor Andrew Cuomo on Tuesday declared that gun violence was "the next Coronavirus," issuing a disaster emergency that will enable him to take decisive action without annoying waits for the state legislature in Albany to "pass bills and stuff."

Gov. Cuomo made his declaration during a speech at Manhattan's Michael Jackson College of Youth Etiquette. According to news reports, the declaration lets the Governor "quickly allocate resources," assuming a minimum of delays finding new staffers who don't mind a little unwanted kissing.

The Governor did not explain how gun violence is contagious enough to be an epidemic. Presumably, in cities like Schenectady, where leaders have executed #DefundThePolice and now investigate muggings by sending social workers, ballot harvesters, and circus clowns, the victim might engage in a little gun violence of his own, leading to a spread of the deadly infection from person to person.

Assuming the Governor deals with this new disease as he finished off Covid-19, as told to his ghostwriter, he will compel licensed gun owners to remain at home, "shelter in place," and wrap their heads in Saran Wrap, while his replacement legislature decides which life activities are "non-essential."

Whereas those who commit gun violence will await their trials in one of New York's fine nursing homes.