UnNews:Crowds mourn royal murderer

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23 March 2015

Richard finally finds his horse(s).

LEICESTER, United Kingdom -- Heads were bowed low, people walked slow and a 21-arrow salute was fired as England's most prolific killer, King Richard III, was presented to the public in a brand new coffin inside Leicester Cathedral.

Only the sound of shuffling feet, coughs and technicians rigging up cameras broke the silence as people looked at the plain box which is said to contain the bones of 'King Dickon'. White roses were thrown onto the bier to celebrate Richard's membership of the House of York, along with a stuffed whippet, flat cap and a pint of Yorkshire Bitter in memory of the late King's Northern connections. Ardent admirers of Richard said he was a 'good man and a great king', done down by accusations of killing his royal nephews and the poison dramatics of William Shakespeare.

Richard had died at the Battle of Bosworth in 1485 and, for over 500 years, his body had been lost to view, buried in a car park and forgotten. Now Richard was back and the Leicester city council were very pleased to see him and the expected tourist rush to share the 'Richard' experience.

There were fears that fans of the Red Rose Lancastrians or Welsh supporters of the Tudors would disrupt the proceedings but they failed to appear. But fears that England could once again plunge into a renewal of the War of the Roses cannot be ruled out.

"Memories are long here," said one mourner. "We'll get Henry Tudor yet!"