UnNews:Conspiracy theorist believes drinking tap water may have led to her paranoia about tap water

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10 March 2012

Ms. Alex has asked us to use this default picture of a Native American instead of a picture of her in order to protect her identity.

FLUORIVILEE, Florida -- 42-year-old conspiracy theorist Joan Alex admitted yesterday that her lifelong consumption of tap water may have led to her paranoid delusions about her tap water. “There is fluoride in my tap water,” she explained, “and I used to believe that fluoride caused brain damage. Now I am certain that I only believed this because of my fluoride-induced brain damage.”

Alex has been living off of government assistance for three years now and considers herself well-known among conspiracy theorist online forums. While she may have abandoned her misconceptions about tap water, she still believes in many unpopular theories, such as that the Vietnam War was a hoax and that John F. Kennedy was assassinated by Bobby Kennedy. She says that in her twenty or more years of research and binge drinking, she has found out what the world is “really about,” and that she laughs at people who ask her if she wears a tinfoil hat. “Everyone knows the tinfoil hat only amplifies the Illuminati’s secret broadcasts.”

When asked if she was afraid that she would be carried away by black helicopters by coming forward with her remarkable claims about JFK, the Vietnam War, and the like, she responded that the government had no interest in harming her since they, “very well know the world will end at the end of this year.”