UnNews:Cattle dung attains magical powers

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28 December 2019

File photo. Child Protective Services seemed to support the parents' strategy, as their reaction on arriving was, "Holy shit!"

KALABURAGI, India -- Parents of six physically challenged children buried them to the neck in a pit of cattle dung here, during the recent annular solar eclipse. The parents believe the eclipse turns the dung holy and gives it magical powers that could cure their maladies.

The action made the children aromatically challenged, and perhaps took their minds off their physical condition. However, members of a progressive-thinking society (who surely read about the plan in the UnNews Early Edition) informed Child Protective Services, which had the children dug out of the pit and taken to a hospital for evaluation.

A local orthopedist agreed to operate on the oldest two children for free, following perhaps a couple more bubble baths. Child Protective Services could not say if the decision to operate was a result of magical properties of the cattle dung.

For one of the children, the cattle dung's properties were not so magical, as the parents burying him up to the neck prioritised simplicity over keeping him right-side up.